


Pokémon Depth

by orphan_account



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Diamond & Pearl & Platinum | Pokemon Diamond Pearl Platinum Versions, Pocket Monsters: X & Y | Pokemon X & Y Versions
Genre: Clover is a terrible person, Comedy, Drama, Gen, Illustrated, Pokemon Journey, at least yet, blood and violence but not enough for graphic tag??, it starts like a shitty ya dystopian novel kinda wtf, thanatos is gonna ruin that probably
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-05-24 18:53:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6163192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Years after the events of X and Y the goverment has increased the amount of rules on Pokémon training in an effort to reduce the amount of criminal orgainsations being founded.<br/>Two young trainers (and a certain someone else) start on their journey through the Sinnoh region, but something seems amiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Lottery

**Author's Note:**

> This is gonna be the most serious chapter for a while.

The world of Pokémon had changed a lot over the years. Gone were the days of children running off into the wild with their pet monsters to become the very best (like no one ever was), to catch them, breed them, train them and befriend them.

The events of Kalos had spread a dark shadow over the world. The threat of extinction, whether Human or Pokémon, was a serious matter; men, women and children all murdered by one arrogant man with a selfish dream and really stupid hair.

The danger, however, proved itself to be even worse than just that. All it took was a single teenager with no more than six Pokémon to defeat this madman. A teenager that could have just as easily sided with him.

For a time, giving Pokémon to adolescents, or anybody for that matter, was completely outlawed. Any pre-existing trainers had their Pokémon taken away, Gyms were shut down and anyone that argued was arrested.

Of course, people refused to take this lying down, and so began the first of many riots. After a particularly horrible one, the World Governor gave in and declared that Pokémon trainers would be allowed once again, as long as it was done with many more rules and laws in place to prevent any more extinction events. The public agreed, and new trainers began adventuring into the world again with everyone thinking it would be just how it was before.

It wasn’t.

Every year, each town would receive a package and letter declaring a person in that village had won a lottery. That person would then receive a trainer’s license and a Pokémon, and would be ‘allowed’ to go out into the world. However, not only would leaving their home be mandatory, this person would not be allowed to be under any kind of employment or own any real estate unless they were certified by the Government that they were definitely not evil. How would one get certification, you ask? By defeating at least eight gyms followed by the regional Champion.

As bad as it seemed, it only got worse from there: Taxes went way up to pay for Gym maintenance, travel was greatly limited to avoid illegal Pokémon training and smuggling, farmers (who required Pokémon for all sorts of things) required expensive licenses.

The world had gone to a dark place, and, as the years passed, more and more people forgot why they had wanted to allow Pokémon training in the first place. People began to hate Trainers and the way they had corrupted the world, going as far as to attack them on the streets and with the law against using Pokémon to attack people in place, Trainers had few ways to defend themselves. The word ‘Trainer’ had come to mean fugitive and more and more people became more and more biased towards them.

There were, of course, still advantages to being a Trainer; the freedom, the ability to travel legally for free, being able to camp in wilderness without breaking any Pokémon habitat protection laws and, finally, the ability to seek the truth. About what, you ask?

Everything.

There were three individuals in particular who wished to know the truth about three very different things. The first was a girl who wished to know why the lottery was needed in the first place…

 

* * *

 

A girl sat alone in her bedroom reading a Pokémon battling strategy guide. It was one of the few remaining guides from before the new laws now set in place, but a lot of their ideas remained valid nonetheless. She had read all of the new ones she could get her hands on as well, as she wanted to be as prepared as possible in case she was chosen to leave her town and become a trainer.

Her name was Clover Appleby, a fifteen year old girl living in Solaceon town in Sinnoh. Clover liked to be prepared, and was admittedly something of a worrier, so for years now she had been reading up as much as possible about Pokémon training and battling. Living in a farming orientated town and being sickly as a younger child, she had gained a liking for reading, to the point of starting to learn to read Unknown runes.

With such a large portion of their day spent farming and taking care of Pokémon, Clover’s family didn’t have much time to spend with her. What certainly didn’t help the matter was that Clover had a tendency to get ill to the point of being bedridden. The family would normally converse while working, meaning that, unless they went out of their way for it, they would simply be too busy to spend time with her.

Growing up around so many Pokémon gave Clover the longing to raise some herself, but understandably didn’t want to become a Pokémon trainer and set out on a journey. That being said, she wouldn’t mind trying out some of the things she had learnt.

Spending so much time alone reading had left her quiet and guarded, but also gave her a lot of time to think, leading her to wonder why the lottery was needed at all.

Reaching up to brush a section of hair that had fell in front of her face, she jumped in surprise and accidently smacked herself in the cheek as she heard sudden shouting outside.

She didn’t need to be told that the lottery results were in.

 

* * *

 

Blake Smokes, a fifteen year old boy with short, black hair, was practicing his skill of making fire from sticks and leaves. Celestic town was a very foggy place and, as such, ‘Kindle’, as he liked to be called, had plenty of practice building fires to ward off the cold, damp air.

After his mother died when he was young and his father disappeared under mysterious circumstances, Kindle had been living with his uncle for almost as long as he could remember. It was because of this that he was used to small meals consisting of cheap, shitty food.

Kindle’s uncle was an alcoholic. Any money he earned selling his ‘berries’ to the local ‘medicine store’ was almost immediately spent on liquor. Though he knew he should hate him, Kindle couldn’t help but feel sorry for his uncle; it was his mother’s death that had caused his life to go so downhill and him living there was a daily reminder of what happened to her.

The thing that kept Kindle awake at night, however, wasn’t the thought of never knowing his mother, nor the outbreaks of depression from his uncle. No, the thing that kept him awake was the thought of his father and how he’d abandoned him, forcing him to live in such an awful condition. The one thing he wanted out of life was to know why; the oh-so-important reason his father abandoned him in his time of need.

Thinking about all of this started to get him angry.

“I need to calm down,” he muttered to himself, “thinking about this isn’t gonna help me, anyway. I can’t even leave this fucking trash heap thanks to that fucking trainer rule…” He sighed and stood up, remembering that the lottery results were due to arrive that day.

He walked towards his uncle’s house to ask him if the results were in.

 

* * *

 

Silently, Clover closed her book and got out of her chair.

She lingered as long as she could, taking care to tuck the chair under her desk and smoothing out her shirt. Pokemon knowledge or not, Clover wasn’t exactly fond of the idea of becoming a trainer.

Slowly, she made her way down the stairs with a hand on the end of the banister. Stopping partway down, she saw all of her family sitting at the table in a heated discussion.

One of them whom was facing her, her brother, stopped talking mid sentence as they locked eyes. The rest of her family followed his gaze, and they too stopped talking.

 

* * *

 

In some ways Kindle _wanted_ to be chosen. It would give him a way out of the village, he could search for his father and he could try to find someone to help his uncle.

Or at least that’s what he told himself to calm his nerves.

He reached his uncle’s house and pushed open the door to find his uncle waiting for him with a solemn yet grave look upon his face. It took only a few seconds for him to spot a parcel on the table and his blood to turn to ice.

 

* * *

 

All eyes were on her now, and Clover stiffened. She could feel her mouth turn dry and her eyes widen. Time seemed to slow as nobody moved and the atmosphere became suffocatingly tense.

Clover blinked. She opened her mouth to speak but her voice cracked.

She couldn’t see the table.  Her family were sitting in the way and she couldn’t see the table. She couldn’t see the-

Swallowing and raising a shaking hand, Clover finally spoke.

“There’s not- No. There can’t...”

 

* * *

 

“U-Uncle?” He asked, his heart skipping every other beat. “W-Why are the results in _our_ house?”

“Blake…” His uncle croaked as Kindle noticed he’d been crying. “I… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”

“What… What do you mean? Is it- It can’t be-”

“I’m so sorry, Blake…”

* * *

 

Silence was still all that met Clover’s ears, but she needed an answer. She needed to know, she couldn’t… There was no way!

“Can you just… Is...?” Her voice was choked, her throat felt like it was closing up, she couldn’t breathe.

Tears were building in her eyes, threatening to spill over and she didn’t know, she couldn’t breathe and she was shaking and _she didn’t know-_

Finally, there was a shuddering intake of breath, and Clover opened eyes she never knew  she had closed.

 

* * *

 

“I…?” Kindle tried to ask. ”Am I…?” It was no use, his throat had given out. A cold numbness seeped through his body. His uncle couldn’t even look him in the eye anymore.

 

* * *

 

“You’ve been chosen as the next trainer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow intense bro. This is really dramatic for a comedy so far oops.  
> EDIT: Coming back to this is so weird, their personalities changed so much from what we originally planned. Wow.


	2. The First Battle(s)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kindle is a terrible trainer, Clover knows what she's doing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel sorry for anyone who thought this was gonna be more serious. This is semi-serious OK.  
> Enough for proper plot but silly enough for our weird sense of humour.

As she heard those words, a wave of nausea washed over Clover, and tears ran down her face.

“I’m gonna be a-” She choked. “a Pokémon trainer?” Her brother nodded.

With shaky steps she walked up to the table. Lying on there was a brown, medium sized box. Clover stared at it, mind blank, before taking it into her hands and walking up to her room.

 

* * *

 

The box lay open on its side on top of Clover’s bed. Inside was a letter congratulating her ‘win’ along with a pokéball, a pokédex and a glossy Trainer’s card. She didn’t dare open the pokéball; if the Trainer’s card didn’t make it real enough, seeing her Pokémon surely would.

Clover sat against a wall, her arms flaccid and her breathing shallow. She couldn’t believe she had been chosen… Surely there’d been some kind of mistake? They couldn’t have _actually_ meant to choose her, could they? They must have meant someone like her sister Everest and had just gotten the names mixed up, that’s all.

Clover’s fists clenched. Why the fuck _wouldn’t_ a bitch like Everest get chosen anyway?! She deserved to be a trainer _much_ more than she did! She was much more selfish, she never helped much around the farm, she always snuck off after dark to be with some boy, it was ridiculous! It _had_ to be her! She sighed and let her hands go loose once more.

Who was she kidding? The lottery never made mistakes. The letter said Clover’s name because the letter was for Clover.

Clover’s heart rate increased again as the fear returned, now mixed with sadness. She would have to leave the farm. She would have to leave her family. She would probably never see either of them again. Her Mom, her Dad, her older brother Aspen, her younger sister Fern, even her bitchy older sister Everest. Clover took a deep breath and sighed again.

There was no point in delaying it any longer, she was a trainer now. If this was what her life had come to, then so be it. Clover climbed to her feet before grabbing her bag. She began packing; an extra change of clothes, her purse, her toothbrush, her hairbrush and a notebook with notes from a few of her guides scribbled down.

As she went downstairs, she noticed her family avoiding eye contact with her.

“And so it begins,” she muttered, leaving the house for her final time. Walking outside, she could feel everyone’s gazes on her, some sympathetic, some already hateful. She headed to the Pokémart to buy some items for her journey. The happy music playing through the speakers sounded to Clover’s ears as if it was mocking her.

After buying a couple of healing items for every status problem, five pokéballs, a little food, a bottle of water and a dozen potions, she stood at the edge of her town.

This was it. Leaving her home, most likely for good.

 

 

She took a breath and held her pokéball tightly before finally taking her first step into the wilderness.

 

* * *

 

Wearing his most nature resistant clothing along with his favourite jacket and a rucksack full of supplies, Kindle was ready to head out. He shoved the weird ball from the package into his right jacket pocket and the weird device that came with it into his left before marching out of his room. He barely spared his uncle a glance as he headed to the front door, but saw that he’d already pulled out the alcohol and was drinking his liver away.

Kindle closed his eyes for a second as he was hit with a pang of guilt. Without him there, his uncle would probably get worse. He shoved the thought out of his mind and shoved the front door open and, muttering a simple ‘bye’, left the house.

He headed immediately East and out of the town’s border. After going down a long stairway and into even thicker fog, he stopped and pulled out his pokéball.

“The fuck _are_ you?” Kindle asked the ball. “How do I even _use_ you?” He noticed a large button in the centre of the ball and pressed it. For a few moments, nothing seemed to happen, then suddenly it opened and a white blur flew out and onto the ground, then quickly forming into a flaming monkey.

Kindle peeked out from behind the rock he’d run behind while screaming.

“A… Monkey?” He asked. “Actually, looking at it, more of a chimp. What the hell do I do with _that_?” As he asked the question, he felt a buzzing in his pocket.

Frowning, he shoved his hand into the pocket and grabbed the buzzing object. He pulled it out to see it was the strange red device that came in the package with the ball. It opened up with a clicking sound.

“Chimch-” It started to say before Kindle threw it to the ground.

“WOAH!” He screamed. ”IT TALKS?! WHAT THE FUCK?!” The machine hit the ground hard enough for its top screen to crack and display static. “Oh crap…” He picked it back up. “How do I fix this…?” He tried slapping it.

It wasn’t very effective.

He tried punching it.

It wasn’t very effective either.

He tried hitting it with a rock. Surprisingly, it helped.

The screen flickered back to some sort of menu filled with with blank options filled with question marks.

 

 

“Well, shit,” he sighed. He was about to slam it against the rock he was still hiding behind when he noticed there was a single option filled in; something called a ‘Chimchar’. He selected it and, after a few seconds of static, it went to a page containing a picture of the flaming chimp that watching him in confusion. “Oh, I get it,” he said to himself, “fire chimp, Chimp-charred.” He tutted. ”Wonder how long it took the professors to come up with _that_ one…”

There was surprisingly little information about it, only a single small paragraph:

‘I̕t̷ is̴ ̷v͟e͠r̡ỳ ag̵il̢e.̕ Befor͜e͞ ̵g̵oing t́o͘ ͘s̴ĺeęp̷,̧ ̨ít̴ ̨e͟x̴ti͞ngùish́es̸ th͏e̷ ͡f͘la̢me on͠ ͞it̶s ͏t̴ai̴l̀ t̀o ͝p̶r҉ev͘e̴nt̵ ͜fi̕res̢.’͞

The machine kept trying to say its name, but continued to cut to static partway through. Kindle shrugged.

“Probably just bad reception.” He closed it and shoved it back into his pocket before climbing out from behind the rock. He took a few steps toward the Chimchar. “So you’re my ‘Poke-man’?” The chimp cocked its head in confusion.

“Chimchar,” it said.

“I… I know,” Kindle replied. “I read the thing.”

“Chimchar.”

“Yeah, I know."

“Chimchar.”

“Yeah! I know!”

“Chimchar.”

“YES! I KNOW YOUR NAME!”

“Chimchar.” Kindle flailed his arms about in confusion.

“IS- IS THAT YOUR GIVEN NAME AS WELL AS YOU SPECIES’ NAME?! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!”

“Chimchar.”

“D’YOU WANT ME TO FIND ANOTHER CHIMCHAR FOR YOU TO MATE WITH?!” The Chimchar blinked.

“Chimchar.” Kindle screamed.

“I… I… WHAT THE FUCK EVEN _ARE_ YOU?! WHY DID A MONKEY EVOLVE TO BE ON _FIRE_?!”

“Chimchar.”

“I JUST- Y’know what? Fuck it. I have a flaming monkey. I’m gonna call you Cinder.”

“Chimchar.”

“No, Cinder.”

“Chimchar.”

“No, Cinder!”

“Chimchar.”

“YOUR NAME IS CINDER, DAMMIT!”

 

* * *

 

The route outside of Solaceon town, Route 210, was covered in extremely tall grass, taller than an adult human in fact. Anyone could easily get lost, and there would surely be a lot of Pokémon hiding in there that could jump out at Clover at any moment, so, as a precaution, she decided to send out her Pokémon now.

She threw the pokéball, somehow causing it to open (don’t question it), and in a flash of light, a small tortoise-like Pokémon with a plant growing out of its head appeared.

“What kind of Pokémon are you?” She knew that starter pokémon were rare, but she hadn’t ever seen this Pokémon before.

“Turtwig!” It said.

“Thanks.”

Clover opened her bag, and pulled out her notebook. Near the back, she had written possible Pokémon nicknames, organised by type.

“How about Viridios?” She asked, ignoring the fact that nicknames are supposed to shorten a name.

“Turtwig!” It said again.

“Alright then so-”

Viridios ran off into the tall grass.

“Wh-”

Clover hated rash natured pokémon.

“Alright Viridios! Get back here!” She shouted. Viridios didn’t come back.

“God fucking damn it why would you...” She complained under her breath while running as fast as she could through the tall grass. It was as dense as it was long, and she had to power through it.

“FUCKING HELL, VIRIDIOS, GET BACK HERE!” Clover shouted as she ran past a little café, probably looking really fucking stupid.

Ahead, on the next route, she could see Viridios, seemingly in the middle of a battle with a chubby, blue mouse thing. He looked at her expectantly, and then turned back to back to the mouse.

Both Pokémon stood there, looking angrily into each other's eyes, but not moving as Clover caught her breath.

“Turtwig!” It shouted at her after a while.

“Gimmie… a sec...”

Neither of the Pokémon moved.

“Turtwig!” It shouted impatiently.

“Marill!” Clover couldn’t tell if it was agreeing or just shouting at Viridios.

“Alright… OK...” She walked up behind Viridios, preparing to battle and- wait. “Erm, what are your moves?”

“Turtwig.” Very helpful.

A little lost, she took out her pokédex and thankfully, there was an option to scan a Pokémon and check its moves.

“ **Viridios moveset - Tackle, Withdraw, Absorb.** ” A robotic voice said.

“Alright then, Withdraw!” Clover shouted, and Viridios moved back into his shell, increasing his defence.

The Marill opened its mouth, and let out a stream of bubbles, they popped on his shell, doing little damage. Deciding that its typing wouldn’t make it much of a threat, Clover ordered Viridios to use Tackle. He ran into the Marill, and it shouted in pain. Marill retaliated with another stream of bubbles.

“OK Viridios! Step back!” He looked at her in confusion, but did as asked.

She threw a pokéball she had taken out of her back at the Marill, and it turned into coloured light, flying into the pokéball. It shook a few times, before making a clicking sound.

Clover walked over and picked up the pokéball. “Good job Viridios.”

 

* * *

 

After stumbling around in the fog for a couple of hours, Kindle finally made it to what he thought was an open space.

Then he saw the grass as tall as adults.

“Piss,” he muttered.

“Chimchar,” agreed Cinder, who had been walking beside him since he couldn’t figure out how to get it back in the magic ball. As he was thinking about balls, an idea struck Kindle.

“Cinder!” He commanded. “Burn this mother down!” Cinder gave him a concerned look before doing as ordered, spraying its ember attack onto the tall grass. The grass began to burn, when suddenly a mentally deranged duck jumped out of it and projectile vomited water onto the fire. “What.”

“Chimchar.” The duck yelled nonsense angrily at Kindle and Cinder before charging towards them.

“Oh shit!” Kindle exclaimed. “This must be one of those bath towels I’ve heard about!”

“Chimchar.”

“Okay, Cinder! Let’s battle this thing!"

“Chimchar.”

“ _That’s_ the spirit!” The duck reached Cinder and tried shooting water at it. “Get out of the way!” Cinder ducked (ba dum tish) and the water flew over it, landing in a puddle a few meters away. “Punch it in the eyes!” Cinder gave Kindle a confused look before shrugging its shoulders and obeying.

Cinder ran up to the duck and punched it in the eyes. The duck grabbed its face in pain and began crying, making Cinder look back to Kindle with another concerned look.

“Don’t let up now! Punt that bitch!” Cinder obeyed and kicked it in the stomach, making the duck double over in pain. “Now finish it with the fire thing!” Cinder obeyed once more and spat fire into the duck’s face. The duck, unable to take the pain, ran off into the wilderness. Kindle threw his arms up into the air. “Yeah! I did it! That was all me!” Cinder rolled its eyes.

“Chimchar.”

“I’m getting bored of calling you ‘it’, what gender are you?”

“Chimchar.”

“Well, coin flip it is.” Kindle dug a coin out of his pocket and flipped it, getting heads. “You’re male now.”

“Chimchar.” Before he could reply, the duck returned - this time with backup. Six more ducks stood with it as it pointed towards them angrily.

“Ah crap.” The six new ducks simultaneously opened their mouths in preparation to vomit water. “Oh! I’ve got an idea!” Kindle grabbed Cinder’s legs and swung him around like a mace. Cinder rolled his eyes. A lot.

“Chimchar.”

“TAKE THIS!” Kindle swung Cinder as hard as he could and threw him at one of the ducks, causing their heads to slam against each other. Kindle felt the machine in his pocket buzz again. He pulled it out and flicked it open to see the very blurred message:

‘N͏e̢w mo̸v҉e̛ lear͠n̸éd - H̢e̕a͡db҉ut̸t͠.'

“Moves?” He asked the machine. “What other moves does he have?” The machine displayed a new message:

‘C͟i͟n̛der͏ ̸mo̴v̧eset̡ - ̧S̛cra͟t͏ch,͢ Le҉e͟r, Ember, H̨e̶ad͏b̢utt̵.’

“Okay, uh… Cinder! Use Headbutt!” Cinder stood up from the mangled heap of the duck and nodded in understanding.

“Chimchar.” He walked to the next duck, grabbed its face and slammed its head against the duck’s. The duck dropped like a sack of potatoes.

“Yeah! Keep doing that!"

“Chimchar.” The ducks could only stare in shock and fear as Cinder headbutted each one, ending with the original duck. The machine buzzed once more. Kindle looked back to it to see the newest message.

‘B̵attl͜i͢ņg ̴P͘o̢kémon̢ ͘wìth̡ ͟s͢t̨ro̵ng͏ ̶s͢pec͟i͟al at̶tacks̕ (͟s͘uch͡ ͜a͢s̷ ͟w̴áter ̧g̷u͏n) w͝ill҉ ̡heĺp yoùŕ ͠Pok͡émon g͜e҉t ́st̕ròn҉ge͠r ͏with͏ s̷i̢mìlar̶ ͘a̷tt͘a̧c̨ks.͡ ̛A ͞s̢im͢il͠ar̕ ̡t͏h͜i͢n͠ģ o͠çcurs̕ af͢t̀er̀ ͏b͜attlès invol̛v͘ing̵ hi͞gh ́defense.’

“Huh, interesting,” said Kindle, scratching his head. “So if Cinder fights and ends battles, then, uh… What was I talking about again?” The machine buzzed again.

‘F̢i̴g҉ht͞ to ge̡t s̷t͟ro͝nge͠r, d͜um͝bass͟.́’

“Cool!” Looking up from the machine, Kindle saw Cinder press the button on the magic ball and go back inside after turning into magic again. “Oh, _that’s_ how that works.” He shrugged, picked up the ball and began walking through the burning grass...

...Before immediately tripping over an item on the ground.

“Balls!” Exclaimed Kindle, grabbing his sprained leg. “What the fuck was _that_?” He looked to see a weird kind of spray bottle lying on the ground. He picked it up. “Why was this just lying out here?” After waiting for a reply that would never come, he pocketed the item. “Oh well, mine now.” He continued walking through the grass.

 

* * *

 

“Here’s Veilstone City then, Viridios.” Clover said as they walked through the gate building.

Veilstone City was very different from where Clover had lived all her life. There was little grass, the ground being covered in concrete, there were many big buildings, and lots of people walking around. It was all slightly overwhelming.

A man looked at her as she spoke, and made an expression of distaste when he saw Viridios at her side. Following his gaze, Clover sighed.

“Hey, you’re gonna have to go back into your pokeball, is that OK?” She asked him.

“Turtwig!” He responded, nodding.

She pressed the button, and he returned to his ball. She put the ball back into her bag, and headed to the big department store to prepare for her upcoming gym battle.

 

* * *

 

As Kindle passed the border to Veilstone city, he collapsed onto his hands and knees gasping for breath.

“Jeez,” he wheezed, “I didn’t think any more of those blue bicep-y things could show up, but then BAM, there’s number twenty eight!” Kindle tried to stand up, but his legs wouldn’t listen. “Welp, may as well take a closer look at that thing I found.”

Kindle pulled the bottle out of his pocket and read the label:

‘Strength 1 Potion - For use on minor Pokémon wounds.’

“Hey, that’s pretty useful.” He pulled out Cinder’s magic ball and pressed the button to summon him from the nether realm. Cinder immediately collapsed from his wounds as he appeared, just barely able to stay conscious. “Here you go, buddy.” Kindle sprayed the potion onto Cinder’s cuts and bruises and watched in awe as they healed up before his eyes.

“Chimchar,” said Cinder as he climbed to his feet.

“Hey, don’t blame me, if you weren’t so lax you wouldn’t take so many hits.” Kindle pulled the machine out of his pocket and flicked it open. “Hey, magic thing, what’s my goal as a trainer?”

‘To ͝be̡a̷t a̴l҉l̷ e͞i̛gh͝t͝ g͜ym̸s ͘in̨ Si̵n̸no̸h͜ ͡an͘d cha̷lleņge t̢h͜e E̛l̨ite F̸ou͢r.͝‘’

“Is there a gym nearby?”

‘Yes͝.̕ ͠T̕hę ̀f̕i̡gh͡ti͝n̢g͢ typ͞e ͝g̕ym͘ i̸s̵ ͏ḑirect͟ly̵ ̷Sout͠ḩ of ̵yǫur ṕo̧si̸tio͞n.’͟

“Thanks, magic thing.” He shoved the machine back into his pocket and finally stood up before heading to the gym.

 

* * *

 

After stocking up on battle items at the department store, healing her Pokémon at the Pokémon Centre and reviewing some of her notes in the seating area, Clover felt that she was finally ready to face the gym.

Leaving the Pokémon Centre, she itched to try out what she had learnt, but also started to think about all the things that could go wrong...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [SOS] Oh look, I actually drew stuff. First one is OK, but I fucked up the second one and I'd already shaded sooo...  
> [THC] All Pokémon in this story are the same genral strength. Levels do not exist in this world, so training is purely physical.


	3. The Meeting of the Moron

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clover is sensitive about her hair colour, Kindle continues to be an idiot, and our two main characters finally meet.

Her bag stocked up and her Pokémon healed to perfection, Clover made her way to the local Fighting Gym. She pulled out her notebook as she walked and flicked to the page detailing type advantages and disadvantages.

“Darn, no advantages here,” she muttered to herself. “Water and grass are only normally effective against fighting. Luckily it’s the same in reverse; I’ll be just as well defended against their attacks as they are to mine. Oh! That reminds me…” She pulled out her pokédex and scanned Tethys’ ball. A chart of statistics appeared based on the data of Tethys’ physical condition.

“Hm… Her attack is pretty low, but the high defense will help me a lot here. She should be first in my party.” Clover put her items back into her back and picked up the pace. Little did she know, a few meters behind her was another trainer with a very different approach.

“Man, I hope they don’t have treadmills in there,” said Kindle to Cinder who was walking beside him. “I’ve spent all day walking, my feet are killing me.”

“Chimchar,” replied Cinder, as unenthusiastic as usual.

“I know, right? Pancakes _are_ amazing. I should buy some if I find some money.

“Chimchar?”

“Nope! That coin I flipped to decide your gender is all I have. Anyway, I never understood the point of gyms. You pay a bunch of people to let you exercise. You don’t even exercise demons, you’re just generally exercising. Shit sucks, bro.”

“Chimchar.”

“How do I ‘beat’ a gym anyway? And why do I even _have_ a flaming monkey?”

“Chimchar.”

“You wanna do _what_ with a spatula?!”

 

* * *

 

 

Clover stood at the entrance of the gym, going through her items one last time to make sure she was ready.

“Yeah,” she muttered to herself, “this should do fine.”

“Talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity, you know,” said a strange voice from behind her. Startled, Clover spun around to see a weird looking man standing very close to her grinning at her in the most uncomfortable of ways.

“Who are you? What do you want?” The man’s grin seemed to widen.

“I have a very important objective,” he said softly. Clover quickly backed off, grabbing one of her pokéballs at random and pulling it out. The man laughed. “Wrong, wrong, my pretty... Fighting _people_ with Pokémon is illegal!”

“Hey!” Called a new voice. “Weird guy! How do I gym?!” The smile disappeared from the man’s face and was replaced with a scowl. He turned to the stranger, giving Clover a clear view of who they were.

“One Trainer in a gym at a time,” grumbled the weird man, “get lost, buddy.”

“Bro!” Kindle shouted in reply. “I’ve got a flaming monkey! Don’t mess with me!”

“Whatever.” The man groaned. ”You two decide who’s going in first, I’m gonna go eat a bagel.” He wandered off, leaving Clover and Kindle to face each other.

“Huh, blue hair,” said Kinde. “Weird.” All thanks Clover felt towards him for getting rid of the weirdo vanished.

“Screw you!” She shouted. “Let’s just settle this with a battle!”

“Settle what with a battle?”

“S-Settle which of us is going in the gym first?”

“What gym?”

“I-! _That_ gym!” She pointed at the building with the large ‘gym’ sign above it directly in front of them.

“Wait, that’s a gym?” Clover was trying to not have an aneurysm.

“What did you _think_ it was?!”

“I can’t remember. Let’s bath towel!”

“What the f-?! You know what? Fuck it.”

“Okay! Go, Cinder!” Cinder, who had been standing next to him this whole time, walked forward a few steps before sighing.

“Chimchar.” Clover rolled her eyes.

”Such an original name… Go… Tethys.” She muttered Tethys’ name as she threw the ball.

“What was its name?” Kindle asked.

“T- Tetetheyeis…?” She tried, horribly butchering her own Pokémon’s name.

“You named your magic mouse thing ‘Titties’?”

“What? No! I just… Can’t pronounce her name!” She stressed. “”It’s spelt T - E - T - H-”

“Cinder! Kick her titty!” A pause. “The mouse. Kick the mouse.”

“What?!” Clover shouted, as Cinder kicked Tethys in the stomach, who had just been standing there as she hadn’t been issued an attack.

“Marill!” She cried out in pain, attempting to clutch her stomach but failing with her shitty short arms.

“What? That’s not how you battle! You’re supposed to use moves!” Clover yelled. This fucking guy… “Fight properly!”

“Fine! Use Headbutt!” Cinder grabbed Tethys and slammed his head into hers, knocking her out.

“Oh, what? Fuck you, cheater!” She returned Tethys, and grabbed Viridios’ pokéball from her bag as she put Tethys’ ball away. “Go, Viridios!” She shouted, throwing his pokéball. At least she could pronounce his name properly.

“Another one? Cinder, use Headbutt again!”

“Viridios! Quick, use Withdraw!”

Viridios tucked himself into his shell, protecting his body and raising his defense. Cinder ran and grabbed Viridios, then slammed his head into his shell as hard as he could, knocking himself out.

“What?!” Kindle shouted.

“You made him headbutt a shell, moron, that’s what.” Clover sighed, returning Viridios to his pokéball. She stepped around Cinder’s body and tried the gym door. It was locked, and a closed sign was in the window. “Damn, you wasted so much time. The gym’s closed now.”

“You killed him!” Kindle suddenly exclaimed.

“What? No, he fainted.” She turned to face him, putting away Viridios’ pokeball. He was knelt down by the fainted Cinder, and was poking him with a stick.

“He’s not moving, he’s dead!” Clover knelt down next to Cinder too.

“For Arceus’ sake, you can clearly see him breathing!” She scoffed, gesturing at Cinder, whose body was rising and falling as he breathed.

“Arceus’s.”

“What?”

“It’s Arceus’s not Arceus.”

“No it’s not. Anyway, just return him to his pokéball and heal him up at the Pokémon Centre.”

“Yeah it is, you wouldn’t say for fuck sake, would you?

“No, I’m still using the plural just with-”

“Where’s the Pokémon Centre?” He asked, returning Cinder to his pokéball. “How do I do the thing, anyway?”

“The building with the red roof. The Pokémon Centre is basically a Pokémon hospital. You put your balls in a machine-”

“Pervert!”

“-and then scan your Trainer’s card. Then it’ll heal your… ‘Flaming monkey’.” Clover looked up at the sky to see that it was getting dark. She got up off of the ground, flipped open her pokédex and checked the time. She sighed. “You can follow me if you want I guess, it's getting late and I’m gonna go rent a room there.”

“Okay.” The two headed off to the Pokémon Centre.

 

* * *

 

After arriving at the Pokémon Centre, Clover had healed up her Pokémon and rented a room.

“Bye moron,” she called as she headed to her room, not expecting to ever see him again.

Kindle had Cinder healed, then walked outside. He didn’t have enough money to rent a room, so he just started walking. After a while he spotted a bush.

“I guess this’ll do.” He told the bush before climbing inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [SOS] I'm very proud of “Cinder! Kick her titty!” A pause. “The mouse. Kick the mouse.”


	4. Machoked Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clover challenges the Veilstone City Pokémon Gym, and Kindle does some training.

On the way to the gym again, Clover sighed.

The room in the Pokémon Centre she had been staying in was fucking disgusting.  The bathroom seemed as if nobody had bothered to clean it in years, the wallpaper was moldy and peeling, the bed smelled like piss and there were stains all over the floor. She really didn’t want to know what they were from.

Something inside a bush up ahead caught her eye, was that a person? She approached the bush and-

“Well fuck.” It was the kid from the other day. “Alright then, dumbass, get up.” She said, kicking him. Kindle yawned and sat up from the bush. He glanced at Clover.

“Huh, blue hair,” he said, “w-”

“Why are you sleeping in a bush?” Clover asked, cutting him off. “There were at least two other rooms at the Pokémon Centre.”

“Why would I wanna sleep in one of the bathrooms?” Clover’s soul died a little.

“Not in the bathrooms,” she said slowly, taking a deep breath, “in one of the rentable, hotel-like rooms.”

“The keyword is rentable, I have _no_ money.” Clover rolled her eyes, not surprised.

“Whatever. I’m going to go get breakfast, bye, weird kid.” Clover began walking away, but stopped after feeling a pang of guilt. If he had no money, the kid would probably starve to death. Sighing one more time, Clover turned back to Kindle just in time to see him fall out of the bush.

 

* * *

 

 

“Thanks for buying me breakfast, blueberry hair!” Exclaimed Kindle as he wolfed down bacon. Clover resisted the urge to open his throat with her butter knife.

“My _name_ , fuckdick, is _Clover_ ,” she said through clenched teeth.

“Weird name. I’m Kindle.”

“Yeah, because _that’s_ not weird at all. So why are you named after an ebook reader?”

“I’m not, it’s ‘kindle’ like ‘a kindling flame’. It’s not even my real name anyway.”

“Oh yeah? Then what’s your real name, Ebook?”

“Blake.”

“So you’re a bloke called Blake?”

“And you’re a… Something called Claire.” Clover frowned.

“ _Clover_.”

“Whatever.” Kindle stood up up from the table and brushed himself off. “Well, nice meeting you, Claire-”

“ _Clover_!”

“-But I have a gym to exercise demons at. Or whatever it is I’m supposed to do.” He began to walk off when she stopped him by grabbing his arm.

“Hey! I should get to challenge the gym first since I bought you food!” Kindle shrugged.

“Fair enough.”

 

* * *

 

Clover stood at the entrance of the gym. This was it. Her very first gym. She took a deep breath before opening the door and walking inside.

The inside looked like a traditional gym; there were a few boxing rings around the room along with a dozen punching bags spread about, each hanging from the ceiling. The place looked somewhat aged, as if it hadn’t been taken care of properly.

“Pretty dusty here, too,” noted Clover.

“Challengers back here!” Called a voice from the back of the gym. Clover moved to where it had come from to find a woman who looked to be in her twenties wearing a karate uniform. Three pokéballs were attached to her belt, which was black.

“Are you the gym leader?” Clover asked.

“Yes,” the woman replied. “I am Maylene. Welcome to the Veilstone fighting gym. Though I’ve owned this gym for many years, I’ve had very few trainers defeat me. Judging by how soon you arrived after the lottery, am I right in assuming that this is your first gym battle?” Clover nodded.

“Yes. Why are you the only person in here? I read that gyms usually contain a few trainers you’ve got to fight before the leader.” Maylene smirked sadly.

“It’s nice to have a new trainer that knows their stuff. Yeah, normally a gym would have gym trainers for a challenger to battle. However,” she sighed, “one of the new laws decree that only a maximum of three gym trainers can be within a gym at a time. I decided that it would be best to fight challengers alone. I _am_ strong enough for it, after all.”

“But it sounds like you’ve had this gym since before the laws were changed, why didn’t you just keep a few of your old trainers?” Maylene’s smirk faltered.

“Sorry, kid, but I’m not comfortable telling you _that_ story unless you beat me in a battle.”

“Alright, let’s do this.” Clover followed Maylene to a boxing ring. Each Trainer went to a corner and took out a pokéball.

 

 

“Go! T-” No. No pronouncing Tethys’ name. “Yeah, go!”

“Meditite! Let’s go!” Maylene shouted, throwing her pokéball and releasing some kind of strange blue monkey thing with a weird, onion-like head.

“Alright, let’s start out with a Defence Curl!” Tethys curled up into a ball as best she could.

“Confusion!”

“Shit!” Clover had been expecting a physical attack, not a special.

Maylene’s Meditite closed its eyes and placed its hands on its temples. A weird sound was heard and Tethys cried out in pain.

“Bubble Beam!”

“Dodge!”

Tethys blew a long stream of bubbles at Meditite. It moved out of the way as fast as it could, but some bubbles still hit it, popping when they made contact.

“Wait! Aim at Meditite’s eyes!” Tethys did as instructed, while Meditite dodged again. Some of the bubbles popped in its eyes, causing it to stop, cry out and clutch its face. “Keep it up!” She continued to blow bubbles at the Meditite.

“Just try and get away Meditite!” Its eyes were still closed shut, and it took shaky steps backwards, its back eventually meeting the rope in the corner of the ring. It was now trapped, and with nowhere to go, it eventually fainted.

“Yeah! Great job!” Clover cheered, grinning, and Tethys looked back and smiled at her too. This didn’t seem too difficult!

“Heh, good job kid,” Maylene returned Meditite to its pokéball. “I’m only just getting warmed up though!” She threw the second ball on her belt, and a massive, muscular, purple lizard man-pokémon-thing appeared. It was wearing only tiny, black pants and a belt, and considering how human-like it was, it felt _just a little bit_ awkward.

“Machoke!” It shouted.

“Defence Curl!” Once again, Tethys curled up.

“Focus Energy!” Machoke flexed a bit. Everything became even more awkward.

Clover coughed.

“Karate Chop!” The Machoke finally stopped flexing. Clover was thankful. Clover was not thankful however, that Machoke then lunged forwards and karate chopped Tethys, knocking her out.

“FUCK!” Clover screamed. How powerful was this thing? She remembered its muscles, and after internally screaming, decided that it was probably pretty strong.

She didn’t want to think about its muscles anymore.

“C’mon Viridios, we can do it!” She shouted, returning Tethys and throwing out Viridios’ pokéball.

Clover now had a new resolve:

To get the fucking half naked muscle lizard out of her goddamn sight.

Viridios appeared, and after taking one look at the Machoke, looked back at Clover.

“I know he looks tough, but c’mon. We’ve gotta destroy this fucking sweaty half naked steroid lizard man!”

“Hey kid! Don’t insult my pokémon! He’s been there for me for a long time! Ever since he was a little Machop!” Maylene yelled, balling her hands into fists. “He’s kept me company through so many _lonely nights..._ ” She trailed off.

Clover actually did scream.

“ALRIGHT THEN VIRIDIOS USE ABSORB!”

“Karate Chop again!”

The Machop karate chopped Viridios’ head before he could do anything.

“Turtwig!” He cried out, shutting his eyes tightly in pain.

“YOU BETTER FUCKING HOPE YOUR MASSIVE FUCKING WEIRD SWEATY PURPLE HALF-NAKED MUSCLE-MAN STEROID PUMPED BODY BUILDER SEX SLAVE KARATE LIZARD-MAN POKÉMON DIDN’T GIVE VIRIDIOS A GODDAMN CONCUSSION, YOU STUPID POKÉPHILLIAC BITCH!” Clover threatened, taking a step forwards. Unfortunately, her description of the Machoke may have taken some of the fear out of her threat.

Just a little.

It seemed that in the time she spent shouting insults, Maylene had ordered another attack, and Viridios had fainted.

“OH FUCK YOU!” She shouted, returning Viridios to his pokéball. “FUCK YOU AND YOUR FUCKING MACHOKE.”

Maylene opened her mouth to speak, but Clover didn’t let her. “YOU THINK YOU’RE FUCKING TOUGH WITH YOUR SHITTY BLACK BELT, EH? WELL FUCK THAT TOO.”

She began hurriedly placing the pokéballs back into her bag, dropping them and losing her grip on the zip because she was shaking so much. “AND FUCK YOU AS WELL BAG.” She slung the strap over her shoulder and stormed out. The creepy middle aged door guy looked taken aback as she ran past.

 

* * *

 

“FUCK!” Clover shouted, in the middle of the street, getting odd looks. She didn’t care. She had lost! She knew so much and she-

Clover threw her bag to the ground and screamed. “FUCK IT.”

“Hey!” She heard from nearby. Clover whipped around, it was Kindle. “How’d the gym battle go?”

“HOW THE FUCK D’YOU THINK IT WENT?”

“Well I think you won! Am I right? Do I get a prize?” Kindle did not receive a prize. He did however, receive a punch in the face.

Clover quickly snatched up her bag and ran. Being sure to shout a quick ‘FUCK YOU, EBOOK!’ behind her.

 

* * *

 

Clover sat on the floor in Route 215. She pulled her legs close to her chest and sighed. She had studied so much and still lost! Maybe she wasn’t cut out to be a trainer?

Huffing, she kicked out her legs and grabbed her bag from beside her. She ripped open the zip, and pulled out one of her pokéballs. She still hadn’t healed Viridios and Tethys up.

She closed her eyes and lay down, her grip on the pokéball loosening. Maybe... Maybe she was just a sore los-

“CINDER! FIST FUCK THAT BITCH!"

Oh what the everliving fuck was Kindle trying to do now?

Clover sat up, put on her bag, and went to go find him, pokéball in hand.

 

* * *

 

“Alright, Ebook, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Clover sighed.

Kindle was stood in a small clearing. It was obviously not a clearing a short while ago, as all of the grass around where he was standing had been burned away. There was water all over the floor, he himself was drenched, he was covered in feathers and had a couple bruises.

His Chimchar looked to be in terrible condition, with soaking wet fur and cuts all over his body. He looked resigned, tired. Though that could have just been a side effect of blood loss and fatigue.

“Training!” Kindle exclaimed, a big smile on his face.

“Training.” Clover repeated, her face and voice deadpan.

“That’s what I said.”

“Okay.” She said, nodding. “Let me just… Alright. This is fine. This is totally fine. I’m fine.”

She allowed herself to breathe.

“First, don’t destroy the environment while training.” She told him slowly, like she was talking to a young child. Which he may as well have been of course.

“I didn’t destroy it! Cinder and the other poke-‘em-men did!” He disagreed, again acting like a young child.

“Don’t destroy the environment while training.” Clover ignored him, walking over to Cinder and kneeling down beside him. “Secondly, don’t let your pokémon get this badly hurt. Heal them for fuck’s sake.” She pulled a super potion from her bag and sprayed it onto his injuries.

“But I don’t have any money to buy locomotions!”

“Potions. You could always use the Pokémon Centre.”

“The Float-on-bomb what now?” Was it really possible for a real human being to be this overwhelmingly stupid?

“The building with the red roof.”

“Oh! Why didn’t you say?”

“I di-”

“Thanks! We’re gonna go train more now!” Kindle smiled, gesturing to Cinder to follow him. Clover ran ahead, blocking him from carrying on.

“Oh no you aren’t. Not without supervision.” She wasn’t qualified for this. Surely there was a responsible adult nearby who could take care of him?

“You wanna train with me? Sure, friend!” That… actually sounded like a good idea. Maybe she did just need to train before challenging the gym…

“...Okay.”

 

* * *

 

After wandering through grass for a little while, a rock with arms jumped out.

“I’m not even surprised by this point,” groaned Clover. Kindle pulled out his Pokédex.

“Magic box!” He shouted. “What are these feelings I’m having?!”

“̷I cal̵culate͝ t̵h͏at̛ ̵y͜ou ̸ar͢e̢ f͝eeli͢n͜g co҉n̶fusion ̶as҉ ̢yo̵u ͢ar̀e̴ s̕ȩe̵ing̸ ͏a̢ ̡Po̵ké́mon you h͠a̧ve n҉ot҉ encóưnt҉er̕ed͡ ͡bęforę now.͡ That i͝s ͏a G͘eòdud͟e. It͠ i͏s ̧f͠o͜und̶ in̴ f̵ie͡ĺd͝s and̵ ͟m̕oun͏t͢ài͠ns̶. M͡ist̢aking҉ t̷h̵e҉m͜ f̛o̵r b̨o͡u̷l͠d̷ȩrs,͡ peopl̢e̶ o͠ften̷ s̢te̷p͡ ór t̛ri̷p ̧o͘n͠ them.̸”

“I see… So the _rock_ is magic as well…”

“What the-?” Said Clover. “Why is your Pokédex talking to you?” Kindle turned to her, confused.

“My what?”

“Your Pokédex!”

“You mean my magic box?” Clover rolled her eyes.

“Sure, the _magic box_! Why is it talking to you?!”

“ _Obviously_ , because it’s magic.”

“Ac͝tu̶a̕lly͜, my͝ sapie҉n̸c҉e was̛ trig̡ge͜r̸ed̕ by-”͠

“Don’t reveal your magical secrets, boxy! You’ll fade from reality!” He turned to Clover again. “Why’s your eye twitching like that?” Clover grabbed one of her pokéballs.

“Go! Te…” She coughed. “Use Bubble Beam!” The Marill opened its mouth and fired a beam of bubbles at the motionless rock, which had been sitting there the whole time.

“Geodude,” said the rock before falling over backwards.

“I won, I think?”

“Wow!” Cried Kindle. ”Your titty is so strong!”

“Don’t talk to me.”

“You were kinda slow, though. You gave it too much time to dodge.”

“How could I have done that _any_ better? _I_ don’t control the speed of my Pokémon.”

“Like so!” Kindle threw out a pokéball, releasing Cinder. Just then, a small, blue thing jumped out of the grass. Clover pulled out her own Pokédex and scanned it.

“ **Machop,** ” said the very much not broken Pokédex, “ **always brimming with power, it passes time by lifting boulders. Doing so makes it even stronger. It’s current known moves are Low Kick, Karate Chop, Leer and Foresight.** ”

“Okay, wise guy,” taunted Clover, “show me how _you_ ‘bath towel’.”

“Alright!” Cheered Kindle. “Shoot fire!”

“The move’s name is ‘Ember’.”

“Whatever! Use Ember!” Cinder opened his mouth to fire pellets of flames, but just as he did, Kindle threw a few dried out twigs at the Machop. The twigs set alight and were propelled towards the Machop, becoming batons of flames that smacked into it.

“But that’s _cheating_!” Clover shouted over the wild Pokémon’s cries of agony. “You can’t interfere like that!”

“Says who?”

“Me! Now!”

“Yeah, but your hair’s weird!”

“Oh, fuck off!” They both turned back to the Machop, which was rolling around, trying to put out the fire.

“How do I get more stuff?” Asked Kindle.

“What do you mean?”

“You have a Tortoise _and_ a blue titty, but I only have a flaming monkey.”

“First of all, Viridios is a turtle, hence ‘ _Turt_ -twig’. Second-”

“Turtles are aquatic.”

“Die in a fire. Secondly, you need to have bought more pokéballs from a Pokémart. Then when a wild Pokémon is weak, you throw one at it.”

“One like this?” Kindle held up a pokéball he’d taken from her bag.

“Yes, one like that.”

“Okay!” He threw the ball at the screaming Machop.

“Hey! That’s _mine_!” The ball smacked against the Machop, sucking it inside as energy. After rolling around for a few seconds, the ball clicked. Kindle picked it up.

“I have my newest team member! BICEPS!”

“Jeez! Why did you scream that?!”

“That’s his name.”

“His name involves screaming?”

“Yes. His name is BICEPS.”

“Alright, fine, bye.”

“Where are you going?”

“To heal and challenge the gym. Bye, dipshit.” Clover told him, walking off.

“Bye!” Kindle shouted, even though she was still close enough he didn’t have to, waving, even though her back was turned.

 

* * *

 

Clover put her pokéballs back into her bag as she passed through the gate to Veilstone. Many wild Pokémon had jumped out at her on the way back, which she fought, (with only minor complaining) as she needed the experience for the gym anyway.

After healing up her Pokémon once again at the Pokémon Centre, Clover went back to challenge the gym for a second time. She walked through the doors, ignored the creepy guy and marched up to Maylene.

“You’re back already?” Maylene asked. “Are you here to apologise, or-?”

“Fuck you!” Shouted Clover. “Battle me again, bitch!” Maylene frowned.

“Fine! I’ll take your ass down a second time!” They ran back to the boxing ring and took their corners.

“This time, I’m gonna _win_!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger ending? Good.  
> And yes, Maylene did fuck her Machoke.


	5. Bottle Caps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cover gets her rematch, Kindle challenges the gym, and they both fail to notice something concerning...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally we wouldn't show the same battle so many times, but we had to show Clover's since she lost last time, and Kindle's provides us with some foreshadowing...

 

“Alright! C’mon Viridios!” Clover shouted, throwing his pokéball.

“Is your new plan just to change the order of your Pokémon?”

“Fuck you! I trained!”

“For a couple hours.” Clover opened her mouth to speak, but Maylene cut her off. “Go Meditite!”

“Absorb!” Viridios tilted his head and fired a red beam from the leaves on his head, draining Meditite of some of its energy. “That… Didn’t look like what I expected.”

“Meditite, Confusion!”

“Tackle!”

Meditite placed its hands on its temples, but Viridios ran in and tackled it, breaking its focus. Maylene made a sound of annoyance.

“Use Absorb again!” Viridios readied his attack-

“Focus Punch!” Meditite ran at Viridios, ready to punch him.

“Withdraw, as fast as you can!” He quickly went to retreat into his shell, but wasn’t fast enough, Meditite punching him in the side of the head.

“Turtwig!” He cried.

“Absorb!” Viridios fired the beam, and it went straight into Meditite’s face as he was so close. It screamed as the light temporarily blinded it. “Tackle!” Then he tackled it to the ground and held it down.

“Focus Punch it!”

Thinking quickly, Clover ordered another attack. “Bite the Meditite!”

“What?!” Maylene yelled, taking a small step forwards.

Viridios gave Clover a look, but did as instructed and bit the side of Meditite’s neck, and it thrashed around, trying to throw him off.

“Meditite!” It screamed as it fainted.

“What was that?!” Shouted Maylene, returning her Meditite.

A chime was heard from Clover’s bag “ **New move learned - Bite.** ”

“Bite.”

“Oh fuck off! Go Machoke!” Clover’s mind went blank.

She didn’t hear Maylene telling the Machoke to use Focus Power, but when she saw it flexing, she snapped out of it.

“VIRIDIOS, BITE THAT FUCKER!” Clover took great satisfaction in seeing him bite into its arm.

“Strength! Then Karate Chop!” Machoke used Strength to punch Viridios off of its arm, and while he lay on the floor, it karate chopped him, causing him to faint.

Clover returned him to his pokéball.

She grabbed Tethys’ pokéball. “ROLLOUT!” She shouted as she threw it, and Tethys immediately fired a rock at Machoke as it burst from the pokéball.

“Hey-!” Maylene was interrupted as another, bigger rock hit her Machoke.

“What?” Clover asked, as another, even bigger rock hit Machoke.

“You can’t just-!” She still didn’t order her Machoke to do anything, and once again, another bigger rock hit it.

“Why not?” And the fifth and final rock hit Machoke. “Bubble Beam!” Then Tethys fired a stream of bubbles at the Machoke.

“Stop for a second!!”

“We’re in the middle of a battle, keep up!” Tethys continued and Machoke fainted.

“Lucario!” Maylene released her final pokémon, a bipedal wolf with spikes sticking out of various places on its body. ”Drain Punch!” It leapt forwards and punched Tethys in the stomach, knocking her back.

“Defence Curl!”

“Bone Rush!”

“Bubble Beam! Aim for the eyes again!”

Lucario rushed forwards and hit Tethys with a bone it suddenly had in its paw. Tethys uncurled after one strike, and blew bubbles into Lucario’s eyes. It made a noise of pain, but otherwise continued to strike Tethys.

“What?! I thought it had been blinded!” Clover shouted as Tethys was hit again.

“Yeah, kid, but Lucario here can sense and see the Auras of people, Pokémon and animals!” Maylene told her, smirking. Lucario struck Tethys again.

“Fuck!” Clover had no idea what to do other than just keep attacking. She pulled a potion out of her bag and sprayed Tethys. “Alright, try Tail Whip!”

“Drain Punch!” Lucario ran over to Tethys.

“Quick, attack it!” Tethys’ tail covered itself in water and she struck Lucario with it.

Her Pokédex chimed again. “ **New move learned - Aqua Tail.** ”

“Why do you keep learning moves like _this_?!”

“ **Pokémon often struggle with more than four moves, would you like to remove a move?** ” Clover removed Tail Whip as Maylene grew impatient.

“Hurry up!”

“Alright then, Aqua Tail!” Clover’s Titty got wet again and tried to strike the Lucario.

“Metal Claw the tail!” The Lucario’s paw formed into a claw and shone as if it were metal, then slammed into the oncoming Aqua Tail. Both Pokémon were knocked backwards. Clover noticed Tethys was breathing heavily.

“Shit!” She couldn’t lose _again_ , could she?! People would think she was as stupid as- “Oh!” An idea struck Clover.

“Stop having inner monologues and get on with the fight!” Clover pulled the battery out of her Pokédex.

“T- Marill! Bubble Beam! Aim for its paw!” Tethys fired a beam of bubbles at the Lucario’s paw which was still metallic. It tried to dodge but one lone bubble still popped against it, getting it a little wet.

“Metal Claw again!” Its claw already metal, the Lucario charged at Tethys. Clover threw the battery at it. “Hey! Don’t cheat! Lucario, catch that!” The Lucario swiped it out of the air with its wet, metal paw. Lucario stood still, electricity surging and cracking around it, before it fell to the ground and fainted.

“WHAT!?” Maylene screamed, running over to her Lucario and kneeling beside him.

“Lucario’s wet paw closing around the battery created a circuit, electrocuting it and causing it to faint.” Clover explained, shrugging and returning Tethys.

“You- You cheated!” She shouted, standing up.

“Well it’s not stated in the rules that you can’t electrocute your enemy’s Pokémon sooo… And technically I just used an electric type attack."

“You-!” Maylene hurriedly took out a badge from the box, and thrust it into Clover’s hands. “Here, take the Cobble Badge and leave.”

Clover started to leave, but suddenly stopped and turned back around. “Hey, didn’t you say you were gonna tell me why you have no trainers?”

“YOU THINK I’M GONNA TELL YOU THAT NOW?!”

“OK, bye.”

 

* * *

 

Clover walked out of the gym, smiling and slotting the Cobble Badge into her badge case. She then walked into Kindle.

“Wh- Goddamn it, Ebook! Why are you here?”

“Oh! Hi Claire!” Clover went to correct him, but he talked over her. “My magic monsters all died and I can’t find the building with the bed roof! Why would you make a roof out of beds anyway? It wouldn’t protect you from the rain or anything.”

“...The _red_ roof.”

“Ohhhhhh! Yeah! I passed that a bunch of times!”

Before Clover could scream, Kindle beat her to it. "THE ICE CREAM MAN IS SELLING US LIES!" She didn’t justify that with a reaction.

 

* * *

 

After healing up their Pokémon, Clover wanted to get lunch, but of course she had to drag Ebook along too.

Kindle bought apple pie, Clover knew because he screamed “I’M BUYING APPLE PIE.” as he did it.

“What did you do then?” He asked, initiating a surprisingly normal conversation.

“I beat the gym.” She couldn’t help but smile.

“Whoa! I need to do that actually!” He told her, getting up, most likely to go fight the gym. The apple pie wasn’t even at the table yet.

“Nope.” She grabbed his wrist. “You’re not going anywhere. I bought you this apple pie so you’re eating it.”

 

* * *

 

“Alright! I’m gonna go fight the gym!” He shouted as they walked outside.

“You said you have no money right?” She asked, opening her bag.

“Nope!” Why did he say that so happily?

“Then take some potions, so your Pokémon don’t faint as often.”

“Thanks!” He grabbed them out of her hands and ran off.

“OK then.”

 

* * *

 

Kindle strolled into the gym.

“I DECLARE THAT I WISH TO BEGIN A BATTLE BATH TOWEL OF MAGIC MONSTERS!” He screamed at a punching bag.

“Oh not another moron,” groaned Maylene. “Let’s just get this over with.”

“HOW DO I GYM?!” Maylene begin crying.

 

* * *

 

Three hours of explaining how gyms worked later, Kindle and Maylene were finally starting their battle. Each stood at a corner of the boxing ring.

 

 

“Go, Lucario!” She threw out a pokéball, unleashing her Pokémon. ”Get this over with quickly!”

“Go, Cinder!” Cinder came out of its ball and yawned. “Use Ember!” Cinder fired pellets of flames, but Lucario dodged out of the way.

“Bone Rush!” Lucario grabbed its hard bone and started whacking away.

“Dodge!” Cinder leapt out of the way. Maylene smirked.

“But now you’re too far away to attack soon, so-”

“Mach Punch!” Cinder launched itself at Lucario, too fast to be dodged, and punched it directly in the face. Lucario stumbled back, grabbing its bleeding nose.

“Y-You hit him hard enough to draw blood?! But he’s part steel! How strong is that Chimchar?!” Kindle ignored her.

“Ember again!” With Lucario too out of it to dodge, Cinder’s Ember attack was a direct hit. Lucario fell to the ground, knocked out.

“Damn, kid!” Maylene exclaimed as she returned Lucario to his pokéball. “You took out my strongest Pokémon in two hits! You may be stupid as shit, but you’re a damn good trainer!”

“FIGHT ME, BRO!”

“Uh… Okay? Go, Meditite!”

“Headbutt!”

“Fake out!” Cinder leapt forward and tried to grab the Meditite’s head, but the Meditite slapped its hands together furiously sending Cinder flying backwards with a blast of air. “Now Confusion!” While Cinder stumbled about trying to get his balance back, the Meditite touched its temples and shocked his mind with wave of psychic energy. Cinder collapsed, knocked out.

“Balls!” Kindle yelled as he returned Cinder to one. “Go, BICEPS!”

“Ah! Jeez! Why did you scream its name?!” He ignored her and sent out his new Machop. “Hey, good Pokémon...”

“Focus Energy!” BICEPS went into a deep focus, making its muscles bulge.

“Uh, D-Drain Punch!” Ordered a blushing Maylene, finally tearing her eyes away from BICEPS. Her Meditite rushed towards BICEPS and tried to punch him.

“Now Karate Chop!” At the last second, when the Meditite was too close to dodge the attack, BICEPS slammed its flattened hand into the Meditite’s head and, with the power from Focus Energy, knocked it out immediately.

“We’re not done yet! Go, Machoke!” She threw out her Machoke’s ball and her Machoke was released. “As you can see, our Pokémon are similar. My Pokémon is an ev-”

“Low Sweep!” BICEPS slammed his heel into the Machoke’s knee. The Machoke cried out in pain, but managed to stay upright.

“I was trying to talk to-! Oh hell, why am I even trying? Strength!” The Machoke slammed its colossal fist into BICEPS, sending him flying across the ring until he smashed into the ropes. BICEPS was barely conscious and struggled to his feet.

“I have potions!” Declared Kindle, pulling the potions he’d taken from Clover out of his pocket. He sprayed one over BICEPS and sprayed the other into his mouth and threw the empty bottles at the Machoke.

“Stop cheating!”

“Potions are allowed to battle! They have feelings too!”

“What the fu-?!”

“Low Kick!” BICEPS ran up to the Machoke and kicked it in its already weak knee. The Machoke cried out again as it fell to the floor.

“Get up, quickly!”

“Karate Chop!” Before the Machoke could get up, BICEPS Karate Chopped the back of its head hard enough to make it stop moving. It was either knocked out or dead. “Yay, I win!” Maylene sighed. First she’d lost to the blueberry bitch, now to this dead eyed moron.

“Congratulations, you’ve defeated my gym. Here is the gym badge.” She handed him the Cobble Badge. “I suppose since you defeated me, you’d like to hear the story of why I don’t have any gym trainers.” She took a deep breath. “A few years ago when the laws were first passed, it was discovered that there was a group of people call S-”

“I don’t really care.”

“O-Oh…” Kindle left the gym.

 

* * *

 

Kindle ran out of the gym, and once again into Clover. It was somewhat impressive, as she was on the other side of the city. He somehow kept his head down, ran blindly through the city and happened to find and run into her.

“Hey, Claire!” He shouted. Clover sighed. “I beat the gym!”

“Good job.” She managed, forcing a smile and internally wishing he would leave.

“Yeah! She gave me some kind of bottle cap-”

“Do you mean a gym badge?”

“That was it! Yeah, she gave me one of those, so I threw it away.”

“You… threw away your gym badge?!” Kindle nodded.

 

* * *

 

They spent a couple hours searching around town for Kindle’s Cobble Badge, looking all over the the ground and rooting through bins (which Clover forced Kindle to do). Eventually, Kindle found the badge again, in the bottom of his coat pocket.

“Huh, I guess I forgot to throw it away.” Clover succumbed to the urge to punch him in the face. It was very satisfying.

“Hey!” He shouted suddenly, it wasn’t an angry: ‘Hey, why did you punch me in the face?’ more of a: ‘Hey! I have an idea!’ That however, didn’t make Clover any less scared, it made her more scared in fact. What the fuck kind of stupid idea could he possibly have? “What if-”

“No.”

“-We made a group!”

“Why would I ever even consider travelling with _you_?”

“You’re good at the planning and stuff and things and have money, and I’m SO STRONG WOAH.” Why did Kindle have to provide a valid argument? ...In his own way that was.

“...Fine.” Why was she agreeing to this? This will be it, won’t it? She’s going to die travelling with this fucking kid.

“Yeah! I knew I had the besterest idea possible!” Yep, Clover knew this was the worsterest idea possible. “...Where are we going next then?”

She thought about it for a second. “Sunnyshore?”

“Let’s go!” He shouted, grabbing Clover’s wrist and running off.

“EBOOK WE NEED TO FUCKING PACK FIRST-!”

 

* * *

 

After knocking out Kindle and stealing his Cobble Badge for safe keeping, Clover bought a small amount of food along with a couple of sleeping bags for the journey.

It took an hour for Kindle to regain consciousness, but eventually they were both headed on their way to Sunnyshore City. However, there was something neither of them noticed as they headed out of the city:

 

 

There was a strange figure following them.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enter; the best/worst character.


	6. Frozen Shrimp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kindle gets a new team member and Clover reavaluates her life choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE BEST/WORST CHAPTER SO FAR MAYBE.  
> Anyway this took a while I think sorry.

Regret was an emotion Clover had been feeling a lot lately, and as she listened to Kinde sing his ‘traveling song’ as they walked, she felt it even more.

“At least it’s a nice night,” Clover muttered, looking to the sky. She’d expected Route 214 to be thicker with trees, but the way forward was surprisingly clear. She glanced toward a small body of water near them. “Wonder what species of Pokémon are in there?”

“Talking to yourself is weird!” Exclaimed Kindle, still dancing to the tune of his traveling song. Clover rolled her eyes as they entered somewhat tall grass. Suddenly, a small swarm of bats flew at them.

“Shit!” Clover grabbed a Pokéball from her bag. “Go, whoever the fuck!” She threw the ball, unleashing Viridios. “Use Withdraw!” Viridios withdrew into his shell.

“FUCK OFF, YOU BRUCEY BASTARDS!” Kindle kicked Viridios in his shell, launching him at the swarm. Surprisingly, he actually hit one of them and knocked it out.

“DON’T KICK MY POKÉMON, YOU FUCKER!” Screamed Clover, holding Kindle to the ground with her foot on his throat. All the screaming and violence seemed to scare off the bats, leaving the single knocked out bat on the ground next to a dazed Viridios. “What the hell even  _ is _ that?” She took out her Pokédex and tried to scan it, only to remember she’d thrown the battery at Maylene’s Lucario. “Dammit.”

“Magic box!” Shouted Kindle, kneeling next to the bat. “How do I make a Sandwich with the bat meat?”

“Wait, when did you get free?” Asked Clover, looking back and forth between Kindle and her foot.

“D̡on̷’͡t ̧eat t͞h͜e͝ ͞Zu̵b̛a͞t,͟ ͘B̀l͟a̸k͟é.”͟

“That fucking…!” Clover tried to kick Kindle in the back, but missed slightly and hit his bag. A Pokéball flew out and landed on the Zubat, sucking it inside. The ball wriggled for a few seconds before clicking. “Are you fucking serious.”

“I caught a sandwich!” Cheered Kindle, holding the ball in the air. Clover sat on the ground and thought about life. Mostly about how hers had come to this. Viridios walked up to her.

“Turtwig?” He asked.

“No.” She replied.

“Now to eat it!” She heard Kindle declare. She quickly got to her feet.

“Ebook! Do not eat your Pokémon!” He shrugged and threw the pokéball. The beam of light shot into the air, releasing Zubat.   
  
It then fell to the ground, flopping onto its side. It still had a happy smile on its horrifying, eyeless face.

"Oh my god... She's adorable!"

Clover was instantly filled with rage. “On second thought, yeah, feel free to eat it.” Something about it's happily vacant expression made her angry.  

Kindle dropped to the ground, and scooped the flopping Zubat up into a hug. “I’m so sorry I ever tried to eat you! You and me are going to be best friends forever, Sandwich!”

“FUCK YOUR FUCKING SANDWICH!” Clover screamed, her rage completely taking over. Kindle himself was bad enough, but having this…  _ monstrosity  _ on her journey with her? No, she couldn’t take that! “VIRIDIOS, DO YOU WANT A SANDWICH?”

Viridios looked up at Clover, puzzled. “Turtwig?”

“THEN HAVE A BITE!” Viridios blinked. “I- I was trying to do a thing? Because she’s named Sandwich? And you have the move Bite?”

The Turtwig cocked his head slightly.

“Just use Bite on Ebook’s fucking Zubat... or whatever it is.” 

“Turtwig!” He ran forwards and bit into Sandwich, still in Kindle’s arms. One of her wings slapped uselessly against his shell. It was so weak it hardly made a noise.

“Wow Claire! What a great idea! We should have a battle to train our Plokey-moons!” He dropped Sandwich, and she fell to the floor limply, like a shitty, shitty ragdoll. “Magic box! Which movies has Sandwich seen?”

“I̧ w̛ould ̧as̶s͡u͏me̷ ͜n͏òn͘e.͠ As ̷Zu҉bat ͞l̸a҉ck͟s eyés.̨ I̴f yoù m̴éan ͏m͘ǫv͟e͜s̵,̸ ̸sh̸e͟ ̵k̀ǹo͜w͝s̶ the̸ f̡ol҉lo̢wing̸:҉ ͠Le̡ec͡h̨ L̨if̢e͏,҉ ͏S͝up͘ers̸o҉ni̸c̷.̴" Sandwich continued to flop around on the floor. ̛"̡A͟n͟d S̕p̧l̴as̷h̛.͞"

“Wow! She sounds so powerful! Sandwich, use Splash!”

She continued to flop around on the floor, and made some strange sounds. She wiggled onto her back, and Clover could once again see the dopey expression on her half-a-face.

“Bite her again Viridios!” He just walked up to Sandwich and bit her. She quickly fainted.

Kindle gasped loudly. “No! Sandwich, you’ve fallen in battle!” He picked her up gently. “Don’t worry! Your death was not in vain! I will avenge you-” Clover sprayed a potion onto her, and she began wiggling again. He gasped again, louder this time. “It’s a miracle! You’ve been revived!” 

Clover punched her. She still had a stupidly happy expression.

Clover punched her harder. She fainted, still smiling.

“Murderer!” Kindle shouted. Clover hoped it was true.

 

* * *

Clover sat on a rock, waiting impatiently for Kindle to take a shit in the bushes. She suddenly heard screaming and stood up.

“Dumbass!” She called. “Are you alright?!” Kindle walked out of the bush naked dragging a young child by the hair. “OH GOD EBOOK WHAT THE FUCK?!”

“This old man was watching me!” Cried Kindle.

“WHY DID YOU TAKE OFF YOUR JACKET AND SHIRT TO SHIT?!”

“It’s cold out! I don’t want my booty to get cold alone!” The young child screamed again.

“WHATEVER, PUT ON SOME FUCKING CLOTHES! And, release the child too maybe.”

“Why should I?”

“NO ONE LIKES FROZEN SHRIMP!”

“This is a valid point that you are making. However, I find it disgusting that you are insinuating that you would mould this child into shrimp-like meat chunks.”

“THAT’S NOT THE MEAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!” Meanwhile, the child was still flailing about and screaming.

“If you didn’t mean shrimp, why did you say shrimp?”

“JUST PUT ON SOME FUCKING PANTS!”

 

* * *

A long while of arguing later, Kindle, ah, ‘closed the freezer door’ and released the child.

“What the hell are you doing here, kid?” Asked Clover.

“I-I’m Joey!” The kid shouted for some reason. “I’m gonna be the best trainer ever with my top tier Ratata! Battle me, scrublords!”

“HELL YEAH, BITCH!” Kindle screamed back, pulling out a Pokéball. “GO, SANDWICH!” Sandwich dropped like a stone as soon as she left her Pokéball.

“I hate everyone,” declared Clover.

“G-Go, Ratata!” Shouted Joey, throwing his own Pokéball. A purple rat fell out, looking just as braindead as Sandwich.

“SANDWICH, USE SPLASH!” Sandwich started flopping about uselessly.

“Ratata, u-use Tackle!” The Ratata didn’t move.

“SANDWICH, USE SUPERSONIC!” Sandwich burped.

“Ratata, I said use tackle!” The Ratata remained completely motionless.

“Uh, guys?” Asked Clover. “I think it’s de-”

“SUPERSONIC AGAIN!” Sandwich made a wet gurgling sound. “DAMN, OUTTA AMMO!” Kindle pulled a potion out of Clover bag (ignoring her protests and punches) and sprayed Joey in the eyes with it. Joey ran away, screaming, until he hit a tree and knocked himself out.

“Dammit, Ebook!” Exclaimed Clover, running over to Joey’s body. She pulled his wallet out of his pocket and took his money. “You owe me half of this for that potion!”

“Aw…”

 

* * *

It was getting late, and Clover slowed to a stop.

“Okay, Ebook?” She could just feel it, she would regret this decision.

“Yeah?” He said, unnecessarily loud.

“It’s late, and we should stop. So I’m going to ask you to do something.” She explained, slowly. “Can you help me set up a camp?”

“Sure!” 

She took out two sleeping bags. “Okay, just lay these out and start a campfire, that’s all.”

He nodded, and took them from her, then threw them to the floor and turned back to face her. “Is that okay?”

Clover sighed. “No, take them out of the bags they’re in.”

“Ooooh!” He looked at the sleeping bags in awe.

“I’m gonna go get water. See you in like, ten minutes.” She went to leave, then stopped and turned back to face him. “And don’t kill anything or something.”

 

* * *

When Clover reached the river, she realised something.

She had nothing to carry the water back with.

“Well fuck.” She started to root through her bag. “Fuck it, this’ll do.”

She pulled out a couple of empty pokéballs and began scooping the water up. 

 

* * *

Clover finally arrived back at the camp a little while later.

Or at least, what was left of the camp.

Everything was on fire.

“Hi Claire!” Kindle cheered happily, an annoyed looking Cinder sitting beside him.

“Ebook! What the fuck have you done!?”

“Huh? What do you mean?” He asked, looking genuinely confused. “You told me to make a campfire, so I set the camp on fire.”

Clover wanted to kill him. So, so badly. “Quick Ebook! Help me put this out!”

“Alright then. Cinder! Use Ember to put the fire out!”  Clover screamed. Cinder rolled his eyes and did it anyway.

It wasn’t very effective.

“Huh, okay. Go! Sandwich!” He shouted, and threw that godforsaken Zubat’s pokeball. “Sandwich, help me put out the fire!”

Sandwich, for once,  _ didn’t _ flop uselessly on the floor.

She threw herself into the fire.

Clover cheered.

“Sandwich̨ ̶le͟ar̕n̶ed͢ Ta͟ckl̨e̢!҉” Chimed Kindle’s Pokédex from his bag.

“WHY ISN’T IT WORKING?!” He threw BICEPS pokéball. "BICEPS DO SOMETHING!" Screamed Kindle. BICEPS saluted before doing a triple backwards summersault into Clover's bag, grabbing Tethys' Pokéball and releasing her before stomping on her head hard enough to make her shoot water at the fire.

"What."

"FUCK YEAH, BICEPS!" He and BICEPS high fived.

Clover stared at the blackened grass where their sleeping bags once were. Why did she ever think Kindle and fire would be a good combination.

“Oh yeah! Claire! Did you get that water?”

“The water? Yeah actu-” She looked through her bag. The water had leaked out of the pokéballs. “No. No I didn’t.”

“I have an idea then!” Oh joy. “We can drink water from Titties.”

“Fine.” Clover sighed.

Kindle got Tethys to fill the empty pokeballs with water, and then gave one to Clover. She stared at it for a while. “Should we boil this or-?” Kindle had already started drinking it.

“This feels wrong.” She said, more to herself, as she hesitantly took a sip. It tasted normal, thankfully.

“Hey! Since Titties made this, is this titty juice?” Kindle asked.

“Never speak to me again.” She looked back at the water. "Aaaand I'm not thirsty anymore."

“Well! Goodnight!” Kindle shouted, before lying down on the floor.

The ground was very uncomfortable when trying to get to sleep. Maybe she should find a bush or something? That was more sheltered at least.

Clover curled up in the bush and thought about how her life choices had lead her to this point.


	7. Hounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clover gets naked and wet while rubbing herself (who needs context?) and Kindle tries to make food.  
> Meanwhile, our mystery stalker puts in an appearance... kind of.

Clover woke up feeling itchy in all the wrong butt-related places.

“Claire?” Asked Kindle, standing over her.

“What, Ebook?” She asked back.

“Why are you sleeping in poison ivy?” Clover looked around, somewhat panicked. Sure enough, she was sleeping in poison ivy.

“Fuck my life.”

 

* * *

After managing to get an actual campfire started, Clover went to bathe in the nearby river to soothe her ass-rash.

“I know!” Declared Kindle to nobody in particular. “I’ll make food! That’ll cheer her up!” Kindle rummaged through Clover’s bag and pulled out a few notebooks. Flipping through them, he found a recipe he liked the look of. “Hmm… Where can I get eggs in the middle of a forest?”

“P͠sy̕d̷uck̨s ̷ar̵ę kǹo̧w͏n̕ ̷tó ͠l͢ive̶ in t̕ḩi͜s ̷ar̵ea҉,” said his Pokédex. “They ̶t̴e͏nd̡ ҉t̡o҉ nęst́ ąro͜u͘n̨ḑ ̨wate͞r.”

“Thanks, magic box!” Kindle ran towards the nearby river, only for Clover to yell at him about being a pervert and throw rocks at him. He tried running the other way and soon found a lake. “I’ll need some help to track down these satan ducks! Go, Sandwich!”

The slightly singed Sandwich sailed shittily into a rock. She lay motionless on the ground, drooling slightly.

“Sandwich! Sniff out the pissy-ducks so I can eat their young!” Sandwich screamed before splashing towards a nest only a metre away. “HOLY SHIT, DUCKS!” The Psyducks looked at him, confused. “SANDWICH, USE TACKLE!” Sandwich missed and fell in the lake.

She didn’t resurface.

“DAMN, THEY’RE SO STRONG! SANDWICH, RETURN!” He returned Sandwich to her ball through the water. “GO, BICEPS!” BICEPS came out of his ball, immediately charged at the ducks without an order and started beating the shit out of them. “GOOD JOB, BICEPS!” BICEPS responded by suplexing a duck.

 

* * *

Back at the camp, now with eggs, Kindle looked at the next ingredient he needed.

“Where can I get salt out here?” Asked Kindle. “Hmm… I guess I could-”

“Pleas̷e̢ ͜d̸on’̛t͝ ̀uņzi͜p ͘your̴ tr͏oùse̶r͟s̶,” said his Pokédex.

“I wasn’t going t-”

“S̸er҉io̢us̶ly͘.”

“I wasn’t gonna do tha-!”

“Ńo̢ ҉o̷ńe waǹt҉s ͝t͘o ҉s͜e͝e tha̶t̨.̕ Aga̧i̶n͘.”

“How do I get salt out here?”

“S̕o͏m̶è ki͞nds҉ o͏f̸ l̢éav̵e̕s,̢ s͝u̢ch̕ as ̀gree͜n l͠e̵t̨tųc͜e leav́e̡s, ͏are ̵kn̢oẃn͏ tò ̢cont͟a̧įņ ̧trace͞ ̕a̛mo̕unt̸s ͏of̨ s͏al̢t̢.”

“Oh! I have an idea!”

“Oh ̸n͝o̡.” Kindle rummaged around in Clover’s bag again and pulled out Viridios’s ball.

“Go, Vernon!” Viridios came out of his Pokéball and turned to Kindle.

“Turtwig?” He ‘asked’, cocking his head in confusion.

“Claire’s busy rubbing herself in the lake, but I need lettuce!”

“Turtwig…?”

“GIVE ME YOUR LEAVES!” Kindle screamed, lunging for him. Viridios jumped back to avoid him before firing a barrage of razor sharp leaves at him. Kindle released Tethys and held her up as a shield. Tethys cried out in pain as the leaves slashed her and cut into her. Tethys fainted. Kindle pulled one of the leaves out of her body. “Thanks, Vernon!”

“̸Ne̕w͢ ̕m͡ove̵ ͢l͡e͝arn̛ed͘ - Raz̵or L̴e̸af̶,̢” ̕ declared his Pokédex. “Ple̵as̕ȩ c̀hoose a̷ ̴move ͠to͘ ͢f̢or̕g̡et.̢”

“What are moves?”

“Y̨o̸u̸ ҉kn̛ǫw̸ ̕w̛h͜a͏t͡?̡ I’҉ll̛ ͞jús̴t̀ r̀e̡mo̸v̀e͏ Ta͝ck̕lę.̸”

“Okay!”

* * *

 

After grinding up the leaf into a barely salty powder, Kindle looked back to the notebook for the final ingredient he needed.

“What’s flour made of?” He asked his Pokédex.

“Flo̴u͝r is̢ m̸ad͘e͜ ͏b̛y͘ ǵrind͠i͞ng up҉ ͢u̡n͠c͜ook̡ed͘ ҉cęr̶e̵a̶l gr͞ai̕n̴s͠ oŗ ot̀he͘r͞ t͏h̢i̴ngs̢ suçh a͝s͢ seȩd̷s̷ ҉a͠n̴d̨ r̵oo͞ts̨,͟” it replied. “I’̡m sur̵pris̴éd̨ ͞I w҉a̧s p̴ro̧g̛ramm̧ed͝ wit͟h ̷thįs m̕uc͢h in̨fo͟r҉m̷at͠i̡ơn ̀wi̸t͢h thi͢n͜g̵s ͞h͟a̕v͏e h̡a̸v҉e l̸it̨e̴ra̛lly ̸nótḩing͜ ͝to ̵d̛o ͟with͜ ͜catal̴o͏g̸ín̢g͞ P҉o͝k͠é̀m̵on.”

“Okay!” Kindle searched around for a while until he found some berries. Kindle gasped. “I can  get the seeds out of these and use the seeds as seeds for the seeds thing! Then I’ll have seeds!” He sent out Cinder. “Cinder! Burn this mother down!”

“Chimchar.” Cinder set fire to the berries using Ember.

“Now Headbutt them!” Cinder sighed before doing as he was told. “Keep doing that!” Cinder Headbutted them six more times. “Okay! Return!” He returned Cinder to his Pokéball. He picked up what was left of the seeds and headed back to the camp.

 

* * *

After over an hour of trying to fix her rash, Clover had finally given up. She got dressed and headed back to camp.

“What’s that smell?” She asked herself as she got closer. As she pushed through the last few branches, she saw Kindle cooking her bag over a fire. “Oh for-!”

“Hey, Claire!” Kindle greeted happily. “I made breakfast!” Clover ran at him.

“You can’t eat my bag, you stupid fuck!”

“Don’t be stupid, I’m not gonna eat your bag!” He said as her bag caught on fire. “I’m using it as a pot!” Clover snatched her bag away from the fire and threw it to the ground, stomping on it to try to extinguish the flames.

“FUCKING-! WHERE THE FUCK IS TETHYS?!”

“Turtwig,” replied Viridios, nudging the unconscious and badly bleeding Tethys. Clover screamed even more and stomped on the bag more ferociously, pretending it was Kindle’s face and/or balls. Finally, the fire went out.

“What the fuck is even in there to make it squishy like that?!” She shouted, picking it up and opening it. It was pasta.

“I made patser!” Cheered Kindle.

There was a long silence.

Clover walked away without saying a word.

 

* * *

Clover walked through the forest, hoping that maybe she could find something to punch a lot. A wild Pokémon jumped out at her, and without even looking at it she kicked it in the face. She walked past the injured Pokémon and laid down in a clearing to cry.

Until something bit her face.

“HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK OH GOD GET OFF OF ME YOU FUCKER-!” She grabbed it around the middle and pulled it off as best she could.

It was a black dog looking thing covered in bones. It was gnashing its jaws and growling at her, trying to wiggle out of her grasp. The dog thing’s teeth looked very sharp, felt  _ very _ sharp, and she  _ really _ didn’t want to find out if they were  _ very, very  _ sharp.

“Alright, calm the fuck down.” The dog didn’t calm the fuck down.

She reached for a pokeball in her bag- Oh, that’s right. Kindle used her bag to cook pasta. Clover loudly cursed Kindle for anything and everything he had done.

She raised the dog over her head and threw it to the floor, then turned and ran back to the camp as fast as she could.

Kindle was sitting on the floor, happily eating pasta from her burnt bag. She pushed him over to get to her Pokémon. They were sitting to the side, Tethys still bleeding out. She ignored her.

“OKAY GUYS, YOU’VE GOTTA FIGHT THE RABID DOG CHASING ME.” Viridios blinked. The dog ran out from the trees, trampling a nearby berry bush and went straight for Clover, ignoring Kindle entirely.

“Don’t waste food!” He shouted, throwing pasta at it.

“THAT. FIGHT THAT, VIRIDIOS.” Viridios ran at it, slowly (he’s a tortoise, don’t judge him). “USE BITE!”

He bit the dog as it ran at him, and it reached around, its teeth covering in flames, and bit Viridios back.

“Fuck! It’s fire type?!” Clover looked around for something to help. “Withdraw!” He hid in his shell, but the dog continued to try and bite him. It wasn’t very effective, seeing as it was attempting to bite a shell.

Clover found one of her empty pokéballs. “TRY BITE AGAIN, AND DON’T LET GO!” Viridios poked his head out of his shell, and bit down on the dog’s leg. It started thrashing around wildly.

Clover threw the pokeball, and it hit the dog in the face, not opening at all. “What!?” She reached forwards and quickly grabbed the pokéball, barely missing the dog’s bite.

She pressed the button on the pokéball, and it didn’t do anything. Desperate, Clover tried throwing it again, and this time the dog turned into light and disappeared inside the pokéball.

Clover took a step backwards, watching anxiously as the pokeball shook. Once… Twice… Three times, before clicking. She sighed in relief, and picked up the pokéball, before turning to Kindle.

“Why didn’t you help me?!” She shouted at him.

“I’m eating! It’s rude to talk with food in your mouth!” He said, with food in his mouth. Clover rolled her eyes.

“Well I’m naming this...” She picked up one of her notebooks and flipped to dark type names.  “Thanatos, since it tried to kill me.”

“Why do you call your Pokémon douchey gibberish?”

“Fuck you! It’s better than fucking ‘ _ Sandwich _ ’!” Clover brought out her Pokédex. “What the hell even is this thing?” She threw the pokéball and released Thanatos so she could scan it. Thanatos immediately leapt onto her and resumed biting. “FUCK-FUCK-FUCK! HELP ME!” Kindle sighed.

“ _ Fine. _ ” He threw a pokéball of his own. “Go, Sandwich!” Sandwich screamed slightly and dropped like a rock, her stupid grin still on her face. “Use Tackle!” Sandwich launched herself at Thanatos like a slightly irritated badger walking away from a cold patch of ground.

Thanatos ate her.

“NOOOOOOO! YOU FUCKER!” Kindle ran up to Thanatos and punched it in the face before grabbing it around the neck. “THROW UP SANDWICH,  _ NOW _ !” He started shaking Thanatos around. Clover crawled over to Kindle’s bag and pulled out both of his remaining balls.

“Help!” She cried, releasing Cinder and BICEPS. They both looked around and quickly saw Kindle wrestling with Thanatos, just as Thanatos raked its claws across his chest and tore it open, spraying his blood around. Kindle fell to the ground.

“MACHOP!” Roared BICEPS before charging towards them. He Low Kicked Thanatos’s legs out from under them and then quickly Karate Chopped the top of their head. Thanatos shook it off like it was nothing and sunk its flaming teeth into his arm. BICEPS cried out in pain and Karate Chopped its head again, with the same result. Cinder leapt over BICEPS and Headbutted Thanatos in the same area that he’d been Karate Chopping, hurting Thanatos enough to release BICEPS.

“S-Sandwich!” Groaned Kindle, blood gushing into the grass. “Use S-Splash!” Thanatos’s stomach began to wriggle around. Thanatos barked angrily a few times before coughing up a badly scratched Sandwich (still grinning). “Everyone! Beat the shit out of that thing!” The three of them began attacking Thanatos with everything they had; BICEPS kicking and chopping, Cinder spitting flames and Headbutting and Sandwich slightly irritating them with Leech Life.

Eventually, Thanatos was knocked out.

“̀Ne̸w͝ mo͜ve l͞ear͜ne̸d̀ ̢bý ҉BI͢CEP͟S - Beat͟ ̧U͝p͠,”̵ said Kindle’s magic box. Clover sprayed a potion on Kindles chest, closing up the gashes. Kindle sat up.

“Cool!” Said Kindle.

“Wh̸at ̧m̨o͜v͞e ̷s̷ho͝u̷l҉d ̡he f҉orge͝t̸?́”̷

“Focus Energy!”

́“A͞l̵r͢ight̷ ͝t͟h͞en͠.”

“I’m having second thoughts about keeping this thing,” Clover panted. “I guess I should see what the fuck it is?” She held up her Pokédex that she’d somehow held onto this entire time. Nothing happened. “What the hell is wrong with this-? Oh for  _ Arceus’s  _ sake!” She flipped it around and, sure enough, she’d forgotten to get a new battery since she’d thrown her old one at Maylene.

“H͡ou͡n̶do҉ur,͢”  began Kindle’s Pokédex, “t̷ḩè Da̷r͟k̶ Po̧ké̶mon͟. It is̀ smart en͞o͜ùģh to hu͏n̛t i͡n ͘pa̛c̨k̛s͟ a̸n̛d̡ ҉uses̛ ̶ą var̛ie͢ty҉ ͜of cr̕i͟e̵s̵ ͘for c͜o̡m̛mu̷n͠icat̸i̷ng w͟i͠t̷h others.̷”͞

“I can’t believe I forgot about my fucking Pokédex battery!” Shouted Clover. “Fuck!”

“Why don’t you ask that guy watching us in the bushes if he has one?” There was a short silence before the rustling of the bushes could be heard as the strange figure ran away.

“What.”

 

 

* * *

 

After resting from their encounter with Thanatos and healing their Pokémon, Clover and Kindle finally started travelling again.

Kindle was carrying Sandwich and excitedly telling her about ‘All the amazing adventures we’re gonna go on!’ Clover was thinking about ‘All the amazing ways I could kill that Zubat!’

He was starting to give her a headache.

“Ebook, just… Just shut the fuck up please?”

“Ok!” Kindle said, and stopped talking.

For around ten seconds.

“Hey look!” He shouted, pointing ahead. “There’s a baby in the middle of the path!”

“Wh-” There was an old guy on the path, but no baby… Oh. “Ebook, that’s an old man.”

He laughed. “What on Earth are you talking about Claire? You say the silliest things sometimes.”

“Oh hello!” The old man greeted. “You’re trainers too then?” Clover nodded, and the old man looked sad. “It’s such a shame, you’re so young...”

“HI, MISTER!” Kindle shouted, his reaction apparently very delayed.

The old man laughed, and shook his head. “Kids… I wish I could’ve had kids.” It seemed like this was actually a normal man. Clover internally sighed in relief. “Yes… I’m married but… unfortunately I can’t get hard.”

“What.”

“I have erectile dysfunction. Anyway, I guess we should battle.”

“Um.” It seemed like this wasn't actually a normal man. “...OK.”

“Yeah! You beat up that old guy, Claire!”

“Go, Metapod!” He shouted, throwing a Pokéball and releasing… something.

Ok, it seemed to be a bug type... So she should send out Than- Nope, not a good idea. “Viridios!”

“Turtwig!” He exclaimed.

“Ah… What a creative name.” Said the old man.

“It’s a dumb name!” Kindle called. He had gone and sat down on the floor to the side. Sandwich was sitting next to him, looking as dopey as ever.

“Shut up, Ebook! Nobody asked you!”

“Who’s Nobody?” She rolled her eyes and turned back to the battle.

“Razor Leaf!” Viridios shot sharp leaves at the Metapod, and it flailed around a bit. The old man sighed.

“Look at him… flopping around, just like my penis.” Clover wanted to die. “Why don’t we try Harden?” The Metapod shone silver and its skin hardened. “Much better, if only my peni-”

“VIRIDIOS USE BITE.” Viridios leapt forwards and bit the Metapod.

“Metapod, String Shot!” 

“Withdraw!”

The Metapod shot sticky string  from its mouth, but Viridios withdrew into his shell so it couldn’t tangle his limbs. The old man sighed again.

“If only I could shoot sticky substances… In a way, it missing is like my inability to-”

“SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR DICK. VIRIDIOS,  _ PLEASE _ JUST BITE THE METAPOD UNTIL IT FAINTS.” Viridios clamped his jaws down on the Metapod, and as its only moves were String Shot and Harden, it couldn’t exactly do much.

The man returned his Metapod. “He couldn’t do anything… Just like-” Clover ran ahead.

* * *

 

Clover had hoped that running ahead would split her up  from Kindle, but he eventually caught up.

“Hey!” He greeted happily, Sandwich lying on his head. “I stole that guy’s wallet!” He held up the wallet in question. Clover snatched it away from him and angrily took out the money. She pocketed it and threw away the wallet.

“I hate everything!” She shouted. “I hate the stupid fucking lottery! I hate this pointless journey! I  _ really _ fucking hate you! I-!” Before she could continue, Kindle was tackled to the ground.

“I’ve found you at last!” Cried the girl who’d tackled him, hugging him tightly. She appeared to be about the same age as them, but Clover could tell she’d be pissed off by her.

“My spleen…!” Moaned Kindle.

“Who the hell are you?” Asked Clover.

“I am Lady Cactus!” She sang in response. There was a short silence.

“Yeah, okay.” Clover walked away, leaving Kindle to his fate.

“My… My spleen…!” Kindle moaned.  “It can’t breath!”

“Why would you run away from our wedding, Charlie?!” Sobbed Cactus. “What was it that I said to frighten you off?!”

“S-Sandwich! Do… Something…!” Sandwich threw up.  “Good job, Sandwich!”  Cinder released himself from his Pokéball and pushed Cactus onto the ground. Kindle gasped for breath. “Thank you, Cinder!” Cinder rolled his eyes.

“Chimchar.” Cactus rushed to her feet, a look of utmost anger upon her face.

“YOU DARE CHALLENGE  _ ME _ TO A BATTLE, WHELP?!” She screamed. “ _ I  _ AM LADY CACTUS! I AM THE GREATEST TRAINER WHO EVER LIVED AND I SHALL DEFEAT YOU!”

“BULLSHIT!” Kindle screamed back. “ _ I’M _ THE BEST SHOE!”

“FIGHT ME, SCRUBLORD!”

“COME AT ME, BRO!”

“GO, CACNEA!”

“DON’T RETURN, CINDER!” Cactus threw a Pokéball and released a cactus while Kindle threw Cinder towards her.

“CACNEA, USE SUCKER PUNCH!” The Cacnea sat on the ground doing nothing for a while.

“Is it… Is it listen-?” The Cacnea suddenly punched Cinder in the gut, winding him. Cinder fell backwards, breathless. “FUCK! CINDER, USE MACH PUNCH!” Cinder tried to get up, but was still too breathless to do anything.

“USE TOXIC, CACNEA!” The Cacnea exhaled purple smoke and blew it towards Cinder.

“No! Hold your breath!” Cinder was still trying to get his breath back from the Sucker Punch, making him breath in the toxic gas directly. Cinder began writhing on the ground in agony. “Shit!”

“FINISH IT WITH VENOSHOCK!” The Cacnea launched a stream of goo at Cinder.

“Get out of the way!” Cinder tried to crawl away, but was moving too slowly. The goo was about to crash into him. Suddenly, Sandwich launched herself in front of him and shielded him from the attack. Sandwich fell to the ground immediately knocked out.

“Ne̛w̢ m͡ov҉e ͞l͟ea̧rned̨,̵”̧ said Kindle’s Pokédex from his pocket, “F͏ol͜l̨ow͢ M̧e͠.͞ ̕What̸ mo͏v̢e ̛w҉oul͜d͘ y͜o͢u̧ l҉ik̸e to fo̡r͠get̨?̷”̢

“NOT NOW, I’M BUSY!” Kindle screamed, rushing to Sandwich’s side. His Pokédex sighed.

“I̶’̶ll͏ ̸g͟e̴t̡ ̵rid ͢o͞f̡ S͝p̢las̸h̡ ͡t̕he̴n…”

“SANDWICH!” Kindle continued to scream, tears rolling down his face. “SANDWICH, SPEAK TO ME!” It was no use, Sandwich was fully knocked out. “I WILL AVENGE YOU! CINDER!”

“C-Chimchar?” He asked, finally on his feet but looking awful; his eyes were bloodshot and his skin was horribly greyed.

“BURN THAT MOTHER DOWN!” Cinder took a deep breath before using Ember, setting the Cacnea on fire. Cactus screamed, grabbed her Cacnea and tried to run away. “YOU AREN’T GETTING AWAY THAT EASILY!” He threw his last Pokéball. “BICEPS! LOW SWEEP!” BICEPS launched himself towards Cactus and sweeped her legs out from under her, knocking her down.

“Get away from me!” Yelled Cactus. “I won’t let you win!”

“This isn’t about winning!” Kindle yelled back. “This is about REVENGE! BICEPS, USE BEAT UP!” BICEPS picked up the Cacnea and started beating the shit out of it until it stopped moving.

 

* * *

 

“...And then I stole her wallet!” Exclaimed Kindle, explaining to Clover what had happened.

“Why did you take a lock of her hair?” Asked Clover, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. The lock of hair in question had been duct taped to Kindle’s jacket.

“To ward off ferrets!” Clover sighed and scratched her ass-rash.

“Whatever. We’re finally here anyway.” They walked into Sunnyshore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [SOS] I said 'an appearance' I didn't promise a particularly long one.  
> [THC] Sadly, my co-author did not want "Clover Gets Naked And Wet While Rubbing Herself" to be the chapter title as I did.


	8. Oce-AHHH-n

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kindle and Clover become tourists.

As they walked into Sunyshore, Clover immediately noticed the enormous solar panels built as if they were walkways.

“Walking is dangerous!” Declared Kindle.

“How the fuck would you walk on these without them breaking or something though?” Asked Clover.

“You can’t,” a random stranger replied, “they break _constantly._ ”

“Well that seems fucking stupid. What’s wrong with actual paths?”

“Pfft, silly girl! You can’t commit insurance fraud on a stable walkway!” The stranger walked away.

“Okay then.”

 

* * *

 

Entering the Pokémon Centre, Kindle spotted what looked like an old coffee machine. He rushed over to it, slammed into it head first and lost consciousness. Clover ignored him and healed her Pokémon.

After a few minutes, Kindle regained consciousness and stood up. He scratched his non-existent beard before searching the area for styrofoam cups. He failed to find any, so he stuck his head into the cup area and grabbed the convenient slot machine-like lever. Before he could pull it, Clover kicked him in the sack and pulled him out.

As Kindle stood up again, Clover pointed to the very large words on the front of the machine that very clearly read “Automatic Move Tutor”.

Kindle slapped his hands to his face in shock; never had he heard of such a device before! Clover sighed and rubbed her ass-rash before rummaging through her bag and picking out one of her notebooks and handing it to him. Kindle stared at the book blankly, not knowing what the gesture could possibly mean. Clover punched him in the gut and flicked to a page about AMTs.

It took thirty minutes, but Kindle managed to read it. The page explained what AMTs were and how they worked: You would place a Pokémon into the ‘cup area’ and let the machine scan both your Pokémon and your trainer card. The machine would then give you a list of moves your Pokémon was eligible to learn. After choosing the move to learn and the move to forget, you would pull the lever to confirm your selection. The machines were made to replace Technical Machines; early technology in move tutoring.

Once he’d finished reading the page, Kindle threw the book at Clover, who was taking a nap on a nearby bench since he was taking so long. She glared at him, flipped him off and went to leave, only to hear the sound of Kindle finally healing his Pokémon. Clover rolled her eyes and decided to wait for him.

 

* * *

 

 

As our two ‘ _heroes_ ’ walked through the markets of Sunyshore, Clover became more and more infuriated that the city’s name was spelt with a single ‘n’. Clover punched Kindle in the face to vent her rage. People all around stopped and turned to stare at the blatant assault, many gasping and crying out from fear and shock.

“Oh, shit…” Clover muttered, realising assault was fucking illegal. “Uh… This guy’s a dirty trainer!” The crowd surrounding them gasped and cried out even more.

“I AM THE BEST AT BATH TOWELS!” Bellowed Kindle, damaging his own throat. Once again people gasped and cried out.

Suddenly, Thanatos broke out of her ball and began mauling people.

“OH NO, THE FISH CAT RETURNS!” Kindle screamed in a now raspy voice. Kindle kicked Thanatos in the head, knocking her down and giving Clover enough time to return her to her ball.

Quickly looking through the crowd, Clover spotted someone holding duct tape. She punched them hard enough to knock them out, grabbed the tape and taped up the ball as much as she could.

“Why do the weird people look frowny?” Asked Kindle. The crowd was fucking pissed. Clover grabbed Kindle by the shoulder and ran away, dragging him along with her.

 

* * *

 

 

Wandering aimlessly around the surprisingly small city, Clover quite literally stumbled upon a building, tripping up and falling over, slamming into the wall.  
“Whoa! A castle!” Kindle explained, still standing. Clover wished he had fallen over too. She got up and pushed him over as she looked more closely at the ‘castle’.

“It’s more of a regular building with castle walls.” She went to read the sign in front of the building, but stopped and looked back up at it. “This city doesn’t have a unifying theme… or much of anything really, does it?”

Kindle didn’t answer her question (which was rhetorical anyway), he got up off of the floor, and ran into the not-a-castle-building. Clover sighed, and followed him inside before he broke anything.

“Welcome to the Sunyshore Market!” Called a woman from behind a counter.

The room was tiny, and there were only three counters. There were tons of boxes in the corners and behind the desks, and they were packed full with colourful items, some spilling over onto the floor around them. It was odd for a market to be so small, though it could be forgiven considering the small size of the building and how cramped the city was.

“This is really small for a market,” Clover said, mostly to herself. The woman behind the closest counter sighed.

“This used to be a market specifically for Pokéball Seals, so we didn’t really need a big space. But since there aren’t exactly many trainers anymore, and even less that would even care about Seals, we’ve had to change to a general market to stay open.”

“You sold entire seals here?” Kindle asked.

“ _Seals_ , not seals.” Clover corrected, somehow resisting the urge to punch him. “There’re these clear covers you can get to put over Pokéballs, and you can put stickers called Seals on them that have special effects when you release your Pokémon.”

“I’m surprised that you know all that!” Said the woman behind the desk.

Clover shrugged. “There was this weird guy in my town, who gave everyone letter Seals all the time, for some reason, and I asked him why they were different from regular stickers.” Kindle gasped.

“I need some feels now!” He ran over to the desk where a guy was selling Seals.

“Do you have bags or something?” She asked, looking down at her burnt bag.

The woman said she’d have a look through the boxes, and Kindle walked back over to her, sticking Seals onto a capsule.

“Who’s Pokéball is that?” She asked, looking at the shape of the Seals and not understanding how any of them would fit his Pokémon.

“Sandwich!”

“You’re putting _that_ on Sandwich?”

“Yep!” He threw the Pokéball to test it out.

The Pokéball opened, releasing thick, black smoke. For a full minute, heavy metal thundered as even more smoke poured out. Eventually, the metal died down and the smoke cleared, revealing Sandwich lying limp on the floor with her usual dopey expression.

Clover passed out momentarily from the concentrated stupidity.

“How could you even tell it was her Pokéball?” She grumbled as she stood back up. Kindle shrugged.

“Hey, do you have a sharpie or something?” Clover asked the woman, who had actually found a bag. She could tell Thanatos’ ball apart from the others (luckily), but but other than that, all the balls looked the same. Speaking of Thanatos… “And erm, some duct tape?”

The woman sighed, but rooted through the boxes and pulled out a sharpie and five rolls of duct tape. Clover bought all of them, the sharpie and the bag. She just shoved her old bag in the new one, she’d sort through it all later.

 

* * *

 

Clover and Kindle went back to pointlessly wandering through the streets, people falling through solar panels all around them. Clover sighed and scratched her ass-rash, getting her disgusted looks from nearby people.

“Herpes!” Shouted Kindle.

“Oh my gosh,” said someone from the crowd apparently constantly following them, “that girl has herpes!”

“Great!” Shouted Clover. “Just what I fucking needed! And what bit of dead brain did _that_ come from, Fuckdick?!”

“The people that are going through the glass!” Kindle continued to shout cheerily. “They’re like that guy called Herpes!”

“His name is Hermes, you fucking moron! Fucking hell, you deserve a fucking medal for being that fucking stupid, you fucking fuck!” As she said that, a woman with tangled hair danced towards them, pulled a medal out of her pocket and lowered it around Kindle’s neck before dancing away.

“Yay, I got a medal!” Cheered Kindle, his hands up in the air. Clover walked away. “Where are you going?”

“I… I need a minute…” She sobbed.

 

* * *

 

After seven hours of walking in circles around the city, the sun began to set and the lighthouse lit up.

“Hey, I’ve got an idea!” Yelled Kindle. “Let’s buy some popcorn!”

“Fuck you, we’re going to the lighthouse,” Clover replied, as yet another person fell through the solar panels.

They reached the lighthouse and entered to find a single elevator in the middle of an otherwise empty room.

“THIS ISN’T POPCORN!” Kindle screamed with anger.

“Fucking hell, calm down,” Clover replied. “Just get in the elevator.”

“What’s an elevator?”

“Your mum.”

“My mom’s dead.”

“I’m glad her suicide was successful after the failure _you_ turned out to be.”

“Cl͠o̷ve̶r͏,̶ ̶wha̕t the ̢fųc͡ḱ?” Asked Kindle’s Pokédex.

“Fuck you, you glorified Wikipedia app.” She pressed the elevator button and the doors opened. “Get in the fucking elevator.” Kindle took a second to realise she’d spoken (he was in shock from finding out the elevator was ‘magic’), so Clover grabbed him by the collar and threw him in.

An awkward minute of elevator music later, they were at the top of the lighthouse.

Clover walked up to the railing, and looked over the city. Someone fell through a solar panel. She sighed. “This is slightly underwhelming.”

“Oh wow! A house!” Kindle shouted from behind her, running up to the railing and pointing at it. It was a house they hadn’t been able to get to, as it was on a cliff.

“Yes Ebook. There are a few here.”

“But this one’s SPECIAL!” He declared, grabbing a Pokéball from his bag.

He threw the Pokéball, black smoke was released and metal played. Clover rolled her eyes as she waited for the smoke to clear, and Sandwich to be revealed.

He then grabbed onto Sandwich’s legs and jumped off of the lighthouse.

“EBOOK WHAT THE FUCK!?”

Kindle partly-gilded mostly-fell down to the house, hitting the ground and rolling into the house, as the door was wide open and falling off its hinges.

“Good job Sandwich!” He said, picking her up and getting up off of the floor.

The house looked at first glance not to be lived in, the furniture was broken, the wallpaper peeling and it was a complete mess. However, there were signs that someone had been there, such as places where the dust covering everything had been disturbed.

Kindle started to look around the room, Sandwich flopping around in his hand as he moved.

Eventually, he stumbled upon a ziplock folder, on the front in messy, blocky handwriting was the word ‘DRUGS’.

“I wonder what this could be?!” Kindle said, grabbing the folder.

Looking around the room, there didn’t seem to be anything else of interest. Kindle left the house, not looking where he was going. He accidently walked straight off of the cliff and into the ocean.

“HOLY FUCK, EBOOK!” And the sound of a pokéball opening could be heard from afar.

He flailed around for a few seconds, and Sandwich started to sink. Suddenly, the head of an orange fish broke the surface of the water, and helped him stay afloat.

“Thanks fish!” Kindle exclaimed, returning Sandwich to her pokéball before she could sink too deep and die.

“Magikarp!” It choked out.

“Here, have this!” Kindle said, giving the weird fish the drugs.

“Maril!” Whined Tethys from a little while off as she tried to swim over to Kindle, failing to properly swim with her stubby limbs.

“SWIM FASTER YOU FUCK!” Clover shouted from the lighthouse, before she turned around and ran to the elevator.

“Oh! Titties! That’s right, I’ve gotta get back!” Kindle said, he looked back to the fish. “Can you help me back to the beach?”

“Magikarp!” It cried, and started swimming back to the shore.

 

* * *

 

Clover ran out of the elevator, flipping it off behind her for it being so slow.

Clover arrived at the beach. The orange thing Kindle was with was gone, and he was standing facing the ocean. She returned Tethys to her pokéball, who had still been pitifully splashing around. She really needed a new water type. She stopped for a few seconds to catch her breath before walking towards him.

“Hey Eb- OH WHAT THE FUCK!” She cried as she realised he was pissing into the ocean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare your anus - Chapter 9 is coming.


End file.
